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Francisco Rodriguez suffers a freak cactus injury

Mar 12, 2014, 1:00 PM EDT

This never would’ve happened if the Mets signed him. Unless, of course, there are sharp grapefruits out there:

A letter in Francisco Rodriguez’s writing doesn’t mean he’s not dead.

  1. pilonflats - Mar 12, 2014 at 1:08 PM

    thumbs up on the story
    thumbs down on the song

  2. karlkolchak - Mar 12, 2014 at 1:29 PM

    He was probably tweeting at the time and and not paying attention.

    • asimonetti88 - Mar 12, 2014 at 4:21 PM

      In all seriousness though, would not surprise me at all if he was walking and texting when this injury occurred.

  3. sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - Mar 12, 2014 at 1:32 PM

    In completely unrelated news, his girlfriend’s father recently bought a cactus farm and a shovel and has been spotted in the area late at night.

    Karma is grand.

    • chunkala - Mar 12, 2014 at 2:20 PM

      That would be too good to be true.
      Craig would defend this wife-beating psycho at every turn regardless of his actions.

      • sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - Mar 12, 2014 at 3:08 PM

        I believe there is evidence to the contrary right here on this very blog.

  4. spudchukar - Mar 12, 2014 at 1:38 PM

    Pretend it is acupuncture.

    • Reflex - Mar 12, 2014 at 3:36 PM

      This was more effective.

      • spudchukar - Mar 12, 2014 at 3:39 PM

        …and I always though Reflex was short for reflexology.

      • Reflex - Mar 12, 2014 at 3:42 PM

        God no. Evidence based medicine for me only please. Check the superstitions and witch doctors at the door.

  5. kcroyal - Mar 12, 2014 at 1:40 PM

    Bloody your feet on a cactus tree, wipe it on a sock and send it to me.

  6. yahmule - Mar 12, 2014 at 2:08 PM

    I had hundreds of cactus on my place back in Nevada. While landscaping one day under the merciless desert sun, I managed to drive a quill under my fingernail with great force. The sensation that rocketed all the way up my arm to my shoulder was the definition of exquisite pain. Of course the thing broke off under the nail and I just kept working. Like two months later, that piece of quill worked its way out the top my nail under the cuticle. I have no idea how.

    • Reflex - Mar 12, 2014 at 3:44 PM

      Thanks for that. Now I am cringing at the excruciating pain I am imagining. And I was enjoying the fact that this is a Wednesday until now.

  7. yahmule - Mar 12, 2014 at 2:10 PM

    • tmohr - Mar 12, 2014 at 2:13 PM

      Proving once again that stupidity is our real national pastime.

      • yahmule - Mar 12, 2014 at 3:23 PM

        I would say the fellow assisting him in that piece of performance art really stretches the definition of the word friend.

    • themanytoolsofignorance - Mar 12, 2014 at 6:04 PM

      Looking at that I detect and Australian accent. Suddenly I see why Zach Grienkie’s lack of excitement for going there makes some sense. Also, cactus boy needs to lose some weight. Otherwise he should never be seen shirtless.

  8. deathmonkey41 - Mar 12, 2014 at 2:28 PM

    He found out which catcus the pollination from this one came from and beat it up.

  9. Carter Dotson - Mar 12, 2014 at 7:30 PM

    This story would have been funnier if it had been in Florida instead of Arizona.

  10. johnnycantread - Mar 12, 2014 at 7:35 PM

    Cactus makes perfect.

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