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Hey, look, it’s Paul Goldschmidt and a wallaby …

Mar 19, 2014, 11:59 PM EDT

On Tuesday night we brought you a picture of Dodgers ace Clayton Kershaw and a kangaroo, so let’s even things up now with this shot of Diamondbacks slugger Paul Goldschmidt and a wallaby …

The D’Backs and Dodgers open the 2014 MLB season on March 22 at the Sydney Cricket Ground.

  1. rollinghighwayblues - Mar 20, 2014 at 12:27 AM

    Wallaby darned!

    I’ll show myself the door.

  2. historiophiliac - Mar 20, 2014 at 12:32 AM

    Good Lord. The Kershaws showed you how to do it the right way, and this is the opposite of that. This gritty pic reeks of the before picture — with the after involving face-transplant surgery. I can practically hear the ominous music building as Wallaby espies his clueless future victim, a grinning hapless tourist who knows not yet that he’s about to be tarongazooed.

    • apmn - Mar 20, 2014 at 8:05 AM

      Depending on the meaning of tarongazooed, face-transplant surgery may be the best possible outcome.

      It’s not even April yet but you are generating thumbs-down in mid-season form. How do you keep your skills up through the long offseason?

      • historiophiliac - Mar 20, 2014 at 8:31 AM

        I’d like to take credit but, really, I think this one just means: THUMB HARPY THURSDAY! Welcome to spring. (Doncha just love spring break?)

  3. mattyheisman - Mar 20, 2014 at 1:01 AM

    Wtf are you talking about?

  4. Old Gator - Mar 20, 2014 at 1:18 AM

    The Taronga Zoo is a letdown. The really great zoo in the region is the Healesville Sanctuary, about an hour outside of the city up in the Dandenong Mountains to the northeast. The air is full of bellbird calls – oh, you don’t know about them, eh? Imagine feathered windchimes, thousands of them, calling together at once. It’s unearthly. And the wallabies have had their nails ground down so kids can hug the foul-tasting little upright rats. And you can pet a wombat. And feed a possum (not like out possums; matter o’ fack, not entirely of this Earth, either).

    Hint for tourists: if you startle a goanna (which is the local form of monitor lizard, like a compact Komodo dragon, but not all that compact) he’s gonna head for the nearest tall object to escape. That ought to be a tree, but sometimes it’s whomever startled it or someone between it and a tree. They run up your body, curl around your head and neck and dig their claws into you (which are like osprey talons), and then, to add insult to injury, they projectile defecate all over you, with a horrible stench that you can’t get rid of with a bath in bleach. Most folks to whom this happens panic and try to pull them off.

    Mis-take!!!

    You need to keep your wits about you and just lie down on the ground. They will let go right away and resume their quest for the nearest tree. And you can try to convince your friends and family that they shouldn’t make you ride in the trunk all the way back to your hotel and shower. Good luck.

    • paperlions - Mar 20, 2014 at 8:03 AM

      Eh, I find all animal jails to be distasteful. The animals all look like they are horribly bored and depressed (because most of them are). Harboring animals that could not be safely released in the wild is one thing, but rearing or capturing them on purpose so that they may be kept in an enclosure that is < 1% of the area they would naturally roam, be fed a poor diet, and not be allowed to pursue normal life activities is just pathetic.

      • Old Gator - Mar 20, 2014 at 9:16 AM

        Agreed. You’ve probably noticed that I’m still seething over that pointlessly murdered giraffe at the Copenhagen zoo – euthanized (which is a polite word for it) even when other zoos had offered to take it. So let’s take this opportunity to offer congratulations to the enlightened people of Vancouver, BC who some years back voted solidly to defund and close their city zoo.

        Let’s also remember all the cetaceans – dolphins, orcas – who are imprisoned in Sea Worlds and other such obscene diversion palaces around the world. All of them who could survive in the wild should be released. Many of these species are demonstrably smarter than a lot of the idiots who post here.

      • paperlions - Mar 20, 2014 at 9:28 AM

        Totally agree. The capture and imprisonment of wild cetaceans is a horrible practice. Every time one of them attacks their jailer, it is a good thing. Evidence shows that these animals live many times longer in the wild than in captivity and that the quality of their life is dramatically reduced by their imprisonment. Keeping a marine mammal in any man-made “aquarium” is the equivalent to making a dog live in a 2′ x 2′ cage its entire life….and we don’t approve of that as a society.

      • stex52 - Mar 20, 2014 at 12:28 PM

        I agree for the sake of the individual animals, Paper. Here is where I am not so sure about eliminating zoos, though. The real issue of the future of wild animals on this planet is whether mankind is going to be willing to leave some room for them to exist. Does having a zoo for them make people more aware and thereby lead to a more enlightened view of maintaining wild sanctuaries? If so, then the sacrifice of life quality for the imprisoned animals is probably a worthwhile thing. We should make our zoos better for the trapped animals, but in that case we should maintain them.

        I am not sure that works. But if we raise a couple of generations that think urban existence is all there is, then all animals in the wild are eventually doomed.

      • paperlions - Mar 20, 2014 at 1:33 PM

        Awareness hasn’t helped, yet. Be glad you are old, you’ll probably die before the current social infrastructure collapses, which getting closer to being a certainty with our current rates of pollution and resource use combined with climate change and human population. Arable land and clean water are going to be in relatively short supply in the not so distant future.

        “Nature” will be fine as soon as we are gone (or greatly reduced in numbers). People, as a group, have a great ability to deny. Seeing a few caged animals isn’t going to change minds if the current rate of habitat loss and extinction can’t do it. We cut down nearly the entire forest in North America and tilled up the entire prairie and people just shrug…a visit to the zoo won’t have any effect if those things can’t.

      • Old Gator - Mar 20, 2014 at 3:00 PM

        tex: breeding programs are good things, but they don’t have to be conducted in cages. Free-roaming “Lion Country” style facilities are about as restrictive as you want to use, and the animals can be tagged for easy location and checkup on their broods.

      • paperlions - Mar 20, 2014 at 3:06 PM

        Plus, no breeding program is worth conducting if we don’t protect the habitat or the animals that result from the program. The focus should be on providing space for other species to live and to ensure that the ecosystem services provided to humans (which are many and under-rated) can continue to occur in a sustainable fashion).

        Really, until humans take resource use, pollution, and (especially) population control seriously, all of these other things are futile attempts to treat symptoms.

      • stex52 - Mar 20, 2014 at 4:20 PM

        Paper
        Gator

        I can’t find anything we disagree on here. I also said that was a possible argument for zoos, not definitive. But actually forest coverage in the United States is stable over the last two hundred years, and forestry conservation programs very successful over the last 60. I also agree that any kind of captive programs need to be more humane. And as a regular birder, I agree that the challenges are huge. But giving up doesn’t suit me either. I may be dead in 25 years or so, but my grandson won’t be. We may tend to be delusional as a species, but we tend to respond quickly and effectively when presented with crises. The key is laying the groundwork for those responses in advance.

      • paperlions - Mar 20, 2014 at 4:52 PM

        The problem is the inertia being built up. With a population over 7 billion and the level of devastation to the Earth’s land and seas, if we (meaning the policy makers) wait until the real effects manifest, we are screwed. The current population is already unsustainable, the “global economy” has just made things worse. One reason forest coverage in NA has been stable is because instead we are buying trees from tropical countries….so yeah, we aren’t cutting our forests down, we are paying companies in other countries to cut their forests down.

        The problem is the complete lack of action and the the fact that the votes of politicians are already bought and paid for by companies that have no interest in the future and are only concerned with today’s profits.

        As a biologist, I can tell you that the outlook is pretty bleak….but ONLY because as a group we (meaning Americans….and humans in most places) don’t want to be inconvenienced and people are all too willing to go merrily along believing the dis-information.

  5. shawndc04 - Mar 20, 2014 at 9:39 AM

    Thumbs up to OG and paperlions. I couldn’t agree more.

  6. stex52 - Mar 20, 2014 at 12:23 PM

    What Goldschmidt really needs in this picture is another one of those really cute animals. You know, like the one that was sitting on the other side of the kangaroo from Clayton Kershaw.

    • Old Gator - Mar 20, 2014 at 3:02 PM

      I oppose the exploitation of wives.

      Except for kitchen work, laundry and floor mopping.

      Oh, Histy…heh, heh….didn’t see you standing there….

      • historiophiliac - Mar 20, 2014 at 3:31 PM

        Ahem.

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