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The Rangers announce “The Choomongous”

Mar 26, 2014, 2:00 PM EDT

It’s cute when a team announces that it’s offering some new bacon burger or something. Because then you see what the Rangers are doing in Texas and it gives you a new appreciation for insane concessions. When it comes to this stuff y’all are playing checkers. The Rangers are playing chess.

In recent years they have featured “The Boomstick,” which is a 2-foot all-beef hot dog, smothered in chili, nacho cheese, jalapeños and caramelized onions, weighing a total of three pounds. Now they have these new things:

and

and

Then someone in my Twitter feed said that they sell “frozen beer” there too, which is a total gamechanger if I do say so myself.

Everything is bigger in Texas. Including the cholesterol counts and pants sizes.

  1. anotheryx - Mar 26, 2014 at 2:07 PM

    Thanks… now I will spend rest of my day trying to hunt down this “Hungarian bacon” thing

    • jwbiii - Mar 26, 2014 at 11:05 PM

      http://www.bende.com/kolozsvari-smoked-bacon-559lb-p-37/

  2. deathmonkey41 - Mar 26, 2014 at 2:12 PM

    Honestly- my biggest issue with that is how do you eat that at a ballpark? You’ll be wearing most of it.

    • kevinbnyc - Mar 26, 2014 at 3:42 PM

      All part of the Rangers experience!

    • captainwisdom8888 - Mar 26, 2014 at 3:44 PM

      In your head, cant you see “that guy” with chili and cheese running down his shirt, a little cheese in the corner of his mouth. Screaming at the game with a mouth full of food, waving a spilling an $8 beer all over the poor quiet family in the row in front of them.

      Lets all be that guy….. why not…its fun

  3. nymets4ever - Mar 26, 2014 at 2:32 PM

    ugh.

  4. Jonestein - Mar 26, 2014 at 2:37 PM

    “Everything is bigger in Texas. Including the cholesterol counts and pants sizes.”

    Hey! I resemble that remark!

  5. historiophiliac - Mar 26, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    They got pretty big margaritas at Arlington too. The thing with that spicy sammich is that you are going to have to make a choomongous donation in the ol’ water closet later. It burns!

    • dondada10 - Mar 26, 2014 at 2:57 PM

      That reminds me of my favorite literary sequel: The Diarrhea of Ann Frank.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 26, 2014 at 3:08 PM

        #ruinachildrensbook

  6. blabidibla - Mar 26, 2014 at 2:57 PM

  7. chill1184 - Mar 26, 2014 at 3:29 PM

    I’m not gonna lie I would try the Pizza burger

  8. jamesmfitzpatrick - Mar 26, 2014 at 3:45 PM

    Given that it’s the Rangers and it is Asian food, shouldn’t it be called the “Yu-mongous?”

    (No, it probably isn’t Japanese cuisine and doing so would then be racially insensitive. Yes, I was kidding)

    All jokes aside, wow.

    • birdman6824 - Mar 27, 2014 at 11:49 AM

      inspired by recently acquired left fielder Shin-Soo Choo,. . . . According to reports from today’s press conference on the new concessions, the Choomongous is actually a two-foot-long, $26 Korean barbecue beef sandwich

      • gloccamorra - Mar 27, 2014 at 11:58 AM

        They should have priced it at $24, you know, for volume sales. Have three guys chip in $8 and get an 8-inch third of it. “Only a dollar an inch!”

  9. baberuthslegs - Mar 26, 2014 at 3:51 PM

    I hope they’ll cut that 24 inch sandwich into 4 pieces for you. You can feed yourself, the wife, and two kids.

  10. jwbiii - Mar 26, 2014 at 6:58 PM

    The Nationals seem to be doing ok in the absurdly large concession item arms race.

    http://hardballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/04/12/behold-10000-calories-and-59-dollars-of-the-strasburger/

  11. renaado - Mar 26, 2014 at 9:33 PM

    Koreans are crying tears of joy right now :-).

    • gloccamorra - Mar 27, 2014 at 12:01 PM

      Betcha that’s Texas beef, spiced and prepared Korean-style.

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