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Jeffrey Loria wrote a book about how the Peanuts comic strip reflected American culture

Apr 3, 2014, 3:12 PM EDT

jeffrey loria getty Getty Images

The kicker: he did so in 1968, and his takes on what Peanuts had to say about America are … rather unhinged. And totally square. And it’s gotta be the most bizarre thing any Major League Baseball owner has ever done.

Jeb Lund examines this book over at Deadspin today and it must be read to be believed. Both Lund’s review, and Loria’s book, actually. Here’s what he says about how the Peanuts gang celebrates holidays:

A milk chocolate bunny is certainly better than surviving on pot, LSD, and banana peels under palm trees to the tune of “Mellow Yellow.” The little folks will gladly hunt for Easter Eggs. Easter wasn’t meant to be a ten-day excursion into the psychedelic. It seems that some easter “trip-takers” need marijuana and sugar cubes to loosen them up for a little fun or to activate their imaginations. Not the hearty Peanuts crew.

He’s like Joe Friday on the late-60s version of “Dragnet.” I keep waiting for BlueBoy to appear.

  1. kcroyal - Apr 3, 2014 at 3:25 PM

    What’s probably got Loria confused more, is just what this thing here is for. That’s nothin’, just somethin’ I picked up over in Colorado.

  2. scatterbrian - Apr 3, 2014 at 3:31 PM

    Spot on Craig. Cannot read that without Joe Friday’s voice in my head.

  3. Pat Richardson - Apr 3, 2014 at 3:35 PM

    To be fair he was only 82 years old in 1968.

  4. renaado - Apr 3, 2014 at 3:41 PM

    Loria should write a book about “How to build a winning dynasty team using delusional thinking” I’m sure many would read that.

  5. sdelmonte - Apr 3, 2014 at 3:58 PM

    Is it true that Loria is trying to hire Joe Schlabotnik to join the Marlins in some capacity?

  6. Old Gator - Apr 3, 2014 at 4:29 PM

    I am a proud owner of Scrooge McLoria’s classic Peanuts book as well as his slightly more bearable book on how to begin collecting fine art. Here’s the kicker, though: the Peanuts book, reeking as it does of witless Young Republicanism, was ackcherley part of a public relations campaign for Scrooge’s art dealership’s sale of signed original framed Peanuts cartoons. Needless to say, Scrooge McLoria is no Bernard Berenson or John Berger. So, lame effort at art criticism that it is – and let me tell you, lame is a very charitable term for it – you have to see it in the context of what it was intended for. It is, to put it simply, a commercial.

    • hermitfool - Apr 3, 2014 at 6:27 PM

      I have no idea what Scrooge’s politics were in his salad days, and maybe neither do you, but lately he loves giving money to the Democrat Party, in particular Commissar-in-Chief, Sen. Chuck from New York.

      • Old Gator - Apr 3, 2014 at 6:30 PM

        Odd. I had read in any number of places that he was a registered Republican and big supporter of Republican candidates and PACs. Ah well. Most likely he also donates on the basis of who’s on top, likely the stay there, and well-placed to further his own interests down the line. He wouldn’t be the world’s first rich political androgyne.

      • jwbiii - Apr 3, 2014 at 7:22 PM

        Loria’s political contributions 2008-2014
        $133,300 Republican Party (majority Romney and his PAC)
        $11,400 Democratic Party* (mostly Cory Booker)
        $10,000 MLB Commissioner’s Office
        $2,400 Charlie Crist (I don’t what his affiliation was at the time of Loria’s contributions)

        *Did you know that knowing the names of the two major political parties is a question on the U.S. citizenship test?

        Source: http://www.opensecrets.org/indivs/index.php?capcode=96td4&name=loria%20jeff&state=&zip=&employ=&cand=

        You use the internet to make yourself smarter or you can use it to proclaim your stupidity.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2014 at 7:31 PM

        Oooh, we have a commissary? Where is it? I’m kinda hungry. Do they have anything besides the obesity dog?

      • hermitfool - Apr 4, 2014 at 12:10 PM

        Not that it matters, but the list should include at least $15,000 to Sen. Chuck.

        It would appear the Scroogster is an equal opportunity graft distributer. I wonder if he requires the recipient politicians to shake his reptilian hand? If so they’d be earning their gravy.

      • jwbiii - Apr 4, 2014 at 11:57 PM

        JEFFREY H. LORIA & CO., INC 9/14/09 $1,000 Schumer, Charles E (D)

  7. tysonpunchinguterus - Apr 3, 2014 at 4:52 PM

    That’s the same guy who approved putting some a fishtank behind home plate and some weird sculpture in the outfield that looks like it belongs on Hendrix’s “Axis: Bold as Love” cover? He’s also the same guy who owns a team you’d have to be high to think has a chance in hell of winning anytime soon, yes?

    • happytwinsfan - Apr 3, 2014 at 5:17 PM

      are you talking about that thing in the outfield that looks like a giant pinball machine? i was wondering about that thing last time my twins were there and hoping that they wouldn’t be led astray by such coastal big city pool house corruptions

      • Old Gator - Apr 3, 2014 at 6:06 PM

        Leave Tommy alone!

      • nworca - Apr 3, 2014 at 7:43 PM

        I don’t know exactly what that thing is, but it looks like it was invented while “surviving on pot, LSD, and banana peels under palm trees to the tune of “Mellow Yellow.”

      • happytwinsfan - Apr 3, 2014 at 7:52 PM

        either the thing has a name (scary) or gator’s been fantasizing about pete townshead smashing his guitar on loria’s head (invigorating).

  8. steveohho - Apr 3, 2014 at 5:16 PM

    “A milk chocolate bunny is certainly better than surviving on pot, LSD, and banana peels ”

    On the other hand, if you eat enough milk chocolate bunnies, you risk the horrors of becoming a diabetic.

    However, like all of the American elite no matter their origin, Loria just “knows” deep down what is best for the masses, and he thinks they have gone too far cause smoking and tripping is all that they do.

    • Old Gator - Apr 3, 2014 at 6:03 PM

      No, just 47% of them.

  9. happytwinsfan - Apr 3, 2014 at 5:20 PM

    me and my boys did try and smoke banana peels once. even though we laid them out in the sun on top of the little league dugouts all afternoon we couldn’t get them lit and certainly would have settled for chocolate bunnies.

    • Old Gator - Apr 3, 2014 at 6:05 PM

      “Doctor, what does it mean if I like to eat the eyes out of chocolate bunnies and then scream “Stop staring at me!”???”

      – Emo Phillips

      • happytwinsfan - Apr 3, 2014 at 7:59 PM

        we were in puberty at the time and by chocolate bunnies i don’t mean chocolate bunnies.

  10. luz56 - Apr 3, 2014 at 6:07 PM

    What a scumbag …. Marlin and Expo fans say! Never trust an art dealer from NYC

  11. skerney - Apr 4, 2014 at 12:19 AM

    The craziest thing an owner has ever done is when Ray Kroc, the owner of McDonalds and the Padres grabbed the PA mic during a game and shouted to all the fans at Jack Murphy stadium how sorry he was that they were forced to watch a team that was so pitiful.

  12. deepstblu - Apr 4, 2014 at 10:11 AM

    I had a copy of this when I was a kid. (My mother may have mistaken it for a more normal Peanuts paperback.) All I remember from it is that it was the first place I ever heard of the myth of Sisyphus (Loria explained it in a footnote for we non-Ivy League types) and it had one of the more disturbing Peanuts panels on the cover (Snoopy’s doghouse burning down).

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