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A child asked Jesus why He made the Mets so bad

Apr 7, 2014, 8:55 AM EDT

This is legit. And if it wasn’t so hilarious it’d be almost heartbreaking.

  1. stex52 - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:00 AM

    I hope little Charlie’s parents took the opportunity to tell him that Jesus did it to punish Charlie for being bad. No time is too early to start infusing a person’s life with guilt.

    • cur'68 - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:09 AM

      You know, I ask myself that all the time? “Dear Jesus, why are the Mets so bad?”. Then I go back to looking at my FL Team and I say the same thing about them.

      On a side note, I like young Charlie’s moxie here. He’s gone right to the top with his important questions.

      Since its Appeal To Jesus Day, I’m going ask one, too:

      Dear Jesus, when will E5 start hitting baseballs into the seats?

      • unclemosesgreen - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:24 AM

        Cur – he’s already hitting foul balls galore into seats. I’m very busy and you’ll have to be more specific with your inane questions.

        Also – be more careful when you’re playing with your dog. I can’t call out every hole in the ground and sharp thing in the sea.

        Love, Jesus

      • cur'68 - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:35 AM

        Thanks Jesus. Now lose some weight and get called back up to the Mariners, ok?

        On a side note, I nearly did it again: drown I mean. This time it was a soccer ball. Its another dog story, too.

        It was my birthday so i got up early to walk the dog before the beach was thronging with people and my relatives and friends started calling non stop. Took my official One World Soccer Ball (indestructible to enthusiastic border collie bites) and went out to play with the doggie. Natch I kicked it into the surf. Natch Bella declined to go get it. Looked at it. Barked at it. Ran around frantically in the gentle tide staring at it. But didn’t go in after it.

        Well. I soon saw why. There was rip tide. It was pulling the ball out into the gulf. So I waded in. Got about waist deep in. Then a light bulb went off: THIS IS A RIP TIDE! And man was it pulling me away from shore.

        So I asked myself. Self I said, how bad do you want that ball back? Also, what happens to the dog if you drown your dumb ass out here? So I waded back to shore and Bella and I watched the ball sail off into the gulf. It even sailed past a pod of dolphins as it went.

        Not a good start to the old birthday, losing that ball. On the other hand I didn’t drown nor did I spike my foot again. So there’s that.

      • unclemosesgreen - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:38 AM

        There was only one set of footprints on the shore when you made that decision, my son. Cuz I was out of there shaking my head while you made up your mind.

        I was all like, oh my me.

      • cur'68 - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:39 AM

        Ha! Fat lot you know. There were TWO sets of footprints. I was walking with Dog.

      • unclemosesgreen - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:43 AM

        Are you in any way questioning my divine wisdom? Dogs only leave paw-prints. I was there, and I know it ALL.

      • cur'68 - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:45 AM

        If you so smrt why you turn up 20lbs overweight to spring training?

      • unclemosesgreen - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:51 AM

        I’m not punishing Seattle, I’m just raining my abundant love and wisdom on Tacoma.

        And stop fat-shaming me! The Son of God eats what he likes, when he likes. Otherwise, what’s the point of omnipotence?

      • cur'68 - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:56 AM

        “omnipotence”? Is that a fancy word for “porky”?

      • unclemosesgreen - Apr 7, 2014 at 10:04 AM

        I prefer the phrase “well upholstered”

        /sulks

      • stex52 - Apr 7, 2014 at 10:19 AM

        Jeez, Cur. If you can’t keep out of the ocean, think of that poor, bereft little doggie as you float away. Maybe you had better put a tag with next of kin on her collar so she will have a home when you go in for your last time.

      • cur'68 - Apr 7, 2014 at 10:25 AM

        Her tag and microchip data would see to it that her people would be notified, I think. I’m just concerned that it would be a while before anyone tried to help her and she’d be in bad shape by then.

        And I didn’t come all the way out here to avoid the ocean, man. I’m going on a dolphin jet ski tour on my next set of days off. This time I’m going to let my neighbour know before I go so Bella gets looked after if I fall off that thing.

  2. unclemosesgreen - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:17 AM

    Charlie, I made the Mets bad to punish you for your hairy, hairy palms. I’m always watching.

    Love, Jesus

  3. gosport474 - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:32 AM

    At least he gave them a break in playing the Reds this past weekend. And I say that as a Reds fan.

  4. luz56 - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:32 AM

    Ran out of time on the 6th day and said one real team in the NY area is enough

  5. nymets4ever - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:44 AM

    This self-loathing is so stupid. If you hate the team that much, go root for someone else, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

    I for one am proud to be a Mets fan. I love wearing my Mets gear in public and declaring my affiliation to the National League New York baseball club I love so much. Let’s go Mets!!!

    • stex52 - Apr 7, 2014 at 10:16 AM

      Way to put that little kid in his place, mets4ever.

      • thesixersbench - Apr 7, 2014 at 5:34 PM

        Freakin’ perfect.

    • shadowcell - Apr 7, 2014 at 3:37 PM

      Dear Charlie,

      It’s because of nymets4ever.

      Love,
      Jesus

    • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2014 at 9:04 AM

      I love watching mutts4ever become a little more loathsome every day. It’s like putting one of those little hydophilic plastic Cthulhu figures in a jar of piss and watching it swell up.

  6. aresachaela - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:45 AM

    This is just cute :-D ! Please make that kid a Yankee fan :-).

  7. mzim2756 - Apr 7, 2014 at 10:12 AM

    Funny how the Mets are quite often the punch line. They have won 2 World Series in their 52 years of existence. During that same time frame how many have the Cubs, Indians, expos/senators, Rangers, Padres, Brewers, Astros won, yet the Mets are the joke.

    • sandwiches4ever - Apr 7, 2014 at 12:19 PM

      Might be a touch sensitive there my friend.

      First off, the Cubs aren’t a joke? Really? It might just be that the fanbase has internalized the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and don’t get so defensive about it.

      The Indians had a whole movie based around the premise that it would be HIGH-LARIOUS if they started winning.

      The Rangers have been pretty damn close the last few years. It’s not hard to envision a world in which they would have two WS in the last few years.

      Maybe, just maybe if the Mets didn’t 1) implode spectacularly when they do implode, 2) have a three-ring circus in the front office, 3) have a long standing tradition of magnificent ineptitude with spikes of excellence, 4) exist in the largest media market in baseball, often with a payroll that befits that position, 5) share a market with a team who has been on a historic run of success as of late, 6) have a stupid stupid mascot, maybe then they wouldn’t be the walking joke that they are.

  8. djandujar - Apr 7, 2014 at 10:30 AM

    If Jesus is black, why would he bother with baseball?

    • paperlions - Apr 7, 2014 at 11:47 AM

      Since he was an Arabic Jew, that all seems rather unlikely (that he would be black or care about baseball).

  9. deathmonkey41 - Apr 7, 2014 at 10:53 AM

    Let’s face it- Jesus has failed the Mets. Time for them to turn to Satan. At the very least, it couldn’t get any worse.

    • djandujar - Apr 7, 2014 at 12:12 PM

      I doubt that Josh satin would help them much. He’s at AAA.

    • sportsdrenched - Apr 7, 2014 at 12:57 PM

      They already did that in 1986. They’ll have to find another diety.

      • stex52 - Apr 7, 2014 at 1:29 PM

        Ah, somebody else that remembers the 86 season accurately.

  10. sumerduckman - Apr 7, 2014 at 11:29 AM

    Well Charlie, it just depends on how you look at it. Since the last shall be first, and the first last,
    the Mets are a shoo in for winners of the NL east.

    • gloccamorra - Apr 7, 2014 at 9:42 PM

      That’s only on Judgement Day. There might be a lot of seasons before that day comes, and of course, you can forget about trying to repeat.

  11. renaado - Apr 7, 2014 at 1:35 PM

    Dear Jesus,

    Please make our country a Baseball one, Amen :-).

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