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The Dodgers don’t have a mascot. They have a “unique performance character”

Apr 8, 2014, 3:00 PM EDT

Steve Dilbeck of the L.A. Times reports that the Dodgers have a person wearing a Dodgers uniform with a large head walking around the ballpark entertaining people, posing for pictures and the like. Most people call that a mascot. The Dodgers, however, would like to set the record straight:

“It’s not a mascot,” said Dodgers executive vice president of marketing Lon Rosen. “It’s a unique performance character.”

Then Mr. Rosen stated that black was white and promptly got himself killed at the next zebra crossing:


Nope. Not a mascot at all. Totally different deal.

  1. jerze2387 - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:07 PM

    Yeah, they didn’t steal the lard lad donuts guy from the Simpsons or anything….

    • Brian Murphy - Apr 8, 2014 at 4:33 PM

      The eyes say “Bob’s Big Boy,” which is what inspired Lard Lad.

      But the entire mouth, all the way down to the small tongue, screams anime.

      A combination of the two makes for an amazingly creepy and embarrassing mistake.

  2. sdelmonte - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:08 PM

    “Unique performance character?” Isn’t that someone like Manny Ramirez? He was unique, he was a character, and he certainly performed.

    Or would that be “unique performance-enhanced character” in that case?

    • jerze2387 - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:10 PM

      Good point. The head is large, al la Barry bonds, so he must be on roids. That’s gotta be a what, size 50 hat?

    • proudlycanadian - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:35 PM

      If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck.

  3. kingscourt25 - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:11 PM

    • moogro - Apr 9, 2014 at 8:39 PM

      Dustin’s diggin’ it.

  4. pilonflats - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:12 PM

    that hurt my eyes

  5. yahmule - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:13 PM

    Nightmare fuel. Children are going to run from that thing.

    • cur'68 - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:47 PM

      That “unique performance character” thing has several key features of fetal alcohol effects: wide apart oblong eyes, flat thin upper lip, low set ears, flat nose bridge, inadequate chin. I think they might want to redesign their “unique performance character” a bit.

  6. grumpyoleman - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:14 PM

    It’s kind of offensive to white people.

    • sandwiches4ever - Apr 9, 2014 at 10:29 AM

      It’s kind of offensive to people.

  7. kash71 - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:15 PM

    At first I thought this was going to be about Hanley Ramirez’s hair.

  8. tigers182 - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:16 PM

    As white guy with a large head, I am incredibly offended by this mascot.

    • unclemosesgreen - Apr 8, 2014 at 6:58 PM

      LOL – I greatly resemble that remark.

    • mikhelb - Apr 8, 2014 at 8:11 PM

      I second that motion… LOL

  9. tigers182 - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:17 PM

    Someone should get Florio on the phone to condemn this mascot.

  10. nsstlfan - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:20 PM

    Yeah they don’t have a mascot. They have thugs that like to pick fights and beat up fans that don’t agree with their way of thinking.

    • yahmule - Apr 8, 2014 at 4:06 PM

      What are you gonna do about it?


      No, seriously. I’m interested in your ideas for solutions to this issue.

      • koufaxmitzvah - Apr 8, 2014 at 4:17 PM

        Why, he’s going to stand there on his moral high ground and piss all over the baseball world while claiming it’s raining. Hey, he doesn’t hate LA…. He’s being critical of it! That means he’s not closed minded potential bigot. He’s a lover of all things good and golden that just happen to resemble all that is in his God loving brain. Come on!

      • blabidibla - Apr 8, 2014 at 4:27 PM

        As a Giants fan in SoCal, I can attest the situation is much improved since McCourt has gone away. Security is much more present. Kudos to the new administration.

        I sat with several Giants fans this weekend and no one threw anything at us for the first time in a decade. The worst I had to endure was a Dodger mom goading her 7 year old girl into asking me if I “was going to call the Waaaambulance” after Kemp hit his second HR off Cain.

        I told her “Nope, we’ve already won this series. I’m good.”

      • koufaxmitzvah - Apr 8, 2014 at 5:44 PM

        As a Dodgers fan in Candlestick, I had more peanuts thrown at me than at an elephant.

        When I was 14 in San Diego, some drunk Padre wanted to beat me up.

        I think it’s fair to say this type of thing happens all over the place.

        OP wants to bring up a beating in the Dodgers parking lot, but will OP defend the next Dodgers fan to be stabbed in an SF bar?

  11. nymets4ever - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:21 PM

    Looks like AJ Ellis

  12. happytwinsfan - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:38 PM

    is the san diego chicken in the hall of fame yet?

  13. chc4 - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:40 PM

    People in L.A. are just weird. Like Paltrow and her hubby “consciously uncoupling”. It’s not divorce anymore… at least not in southern CA. A bunch of cuckoo birds.

    • koufaxmitzvah - Apr 8, 2014 at 4:18 PM

      Because what’s-his-nuts isn’t from Canada or anything.

      Oh, I now get it. Southern Canada. Freaking Toronto!

    • mikhelb - Apr 8, 2014 at 7:33 PM

      If there were not married then it isn’t a divorce, not that I know who the hack is Paltrow and her husband and if both were born in Los Angeles and that makes them more freaks than those who do the same and live in Los Angeles but were not born there… but yeah, people are weird.

    • Professor Fate - Apr 8, 2014 at 9:56 PM

      I always get a chuckle out of people who like to lump 15+ million people into one convenient derogatory label while ignorantly ignoring that half the population moved there from other states/countries. Most of the “weird” people I met in my 50+ years of living in SoCal were from other states.

  14. chiadam - Apr 8, 2014 at 3:46 PM

    This never would have happened if they didn’t need to distract people from Yasiel Puig’s constant team sabotage.

  15. senioreditor2 - Apr 8, 2014 at 4:04 PM

    They have one in RF too!

  16. rcali - Apr 8, 2014 at 4:06 PM

    This is offensive to my hair style. I’m going to start a petition.

    • RickyB - Apr 8, 2014 at 4:17 PM

      I believe that is one big squirrel underneath the hat. Dodgers are such tricksters …

  17. tfbuckfutter - Apr 8, 2014 at 4:20 PM

    As someone with no bottom teeth who enjoys sucking on a small piece of ham all day, I wish to also register my offense to this mascot.

  18. fearthehoody - Apr 8, 2014 at 5:01 PM

    Another 85 degree day with clear skies in LA, accompanied by the most beautiful women and nightlife in the US.

    • mikhelb - Apr 8, 2014 at 7:19 PM

      Or as i like to call it: Silicon City.

  19. mikhelb - Apr 8, 2014 at 7:13 PM

    During opening day in Pittsburgh I saw a curious character with a huge head walking around… and then I noticed that it was Barry Bonds.

  20. aresachaela - Apr 8, 2014 at 9:18 PM

    Why don’t they pick the mascot back at the playoff series against the Cardinals? He’d make a good one though even while drunk.0..0

  21. schmedley69 - Apr 8, 2014 at 10:42 PM

    I thought that Tommy Lasorda was the official mascot of the Dodgers.

  22. jayquintana - Apr 8, 2014 at 10:50 PM

    Remember the rogue dancing bear last year? Bring him back! That guy was hilarious!

  23. wkl21 - Apr 9, 2014 at 11:53 AM

    that’s just gay!

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