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Video of the century: bummed Phillies fans react to Dan Uggla’s grand slam

Apr 15, 2014, 8:23 AM EDT

Sad Phillies fans

Hats off to ESPN for the camera work and Deadspin’s Tim Burke for the production values on this video of Phillies fans (a) taunting Dan Uggla; and then (b) watching his ninth inning grand slam go over the fence. In slow motion. Set to some twee folk-rock, Wes-Anderson-style.

Seriously, I want to marry this video. I want to take it with me for a long weekend to a B&B in New England and go antiquing with it. I want to sit down with this video and plan our lives together, name our future children and and then hold hands with it as we each sit in our own bathtubs like in the Cialis commercials.

This video + me = love.

For serious.

  1. mdpickles - Apr 15, 2014 at 8:32 AM

    What was Tommy John’s reaction?

  2. thedoubleentandres - Apr 15, 2014 at 8:40 AM

    No finders fee Craig???

    Way to render my ATH comment utterly redundant

    • historiophiliac - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:12 PM

      You should totally get a hat tip.

  3. cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 8:41 AM

    Oh please. Don’t be a fool man. Stay the hell away from that video. Its got trouble written all over it.

    Know what that video will do? Promise you all of what you want and more. Define itself as “You couldn’t do better than me”. Describe how wonderful your putative children would be. Then, at the first serious problem to crop up, turn its back on you to return to its life of quiet desperation. You’ll be left stunned and alone, far away from all you know and love which you’d given up out of trust and good faith. Amazed that this should happen to you, haunted by the words “Its not you Craig, its the video. It just needs time…” The significant events of your life will come and go and you’ll hear nothing from it, so your hope will wither, your love turn to bitterness, and you’ll want to take a screwdriver to your brain to pry those memories out of your head.

    Ive seen it all before.

    Why don’t you have a meaningless little fling with a Madonna video from the ’80’s, Craig? Once thing about Madonna videos, they don’t promise you ANYTHING, except maybe a dose of the clap…and there’s antibiotics for that.

    • rbj1 - Apr 15, 2014 at 8:58 AM

      I went to college with that video. And while we all did crazy things back then, well there are stories about this video that I won’t tell.

      • cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:37 AM

        Oh lord. Me too. I used to know a little black and white number by Radiohead. A spicy little number to be sure. Always use protection, that’s all I’m going to say about that.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:16 PM

        You shoulda stuck with the Divinyls.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 15, 2014 at 6:08 PM

        Haha…Divinyls…”I Touch Myself”…stuck…I see what you did there….

      • cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 6:26 PM

        Mr. Hair. Always a pleasure, sir. I’m glad you came along and sorry that you find yourself is such pathos laden environs.

    • unclemosesgreen - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:19 AM

      Your grandiose public self-pity is way past its’ sell-by date. Sometimes things don’t work out. Move on.

      There are plenty of folks who know what you’re playing at here, and it’s tired.

      • cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:41 AM

        Honestly, I don’t know what to say to this. Clearly you know all.

      • unclemosesgreen - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:47 AM

        No, I really don’t. But if I can see the little landmines you’ve been leaving in the sandbox then other people can too. I’m far from the sharpest tool in this particular drawer.

        And for the record – if you were the one getting landmined here I’d take up for you just the same.

      • cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 10:18 AM

        You better get busy telling off a bunch of people then, Mo. I’m far from the only person being all relationship tongue-in-cheek here.

      • unclemosesgreen - Apr 15, 2014 at 10:27 AM

        Hey what do I know – I’m just the village idiot.

      • cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 10:40 AM

        You know what? Far from it. Very far from it. So give this a certain amount of thought: you comment in other places that you’re a fan of good writing. Where do you think that comes from? Not out of thin air, I assure you.

        The things that make a good writer are internal. Often painful. What’s a person to do with that pain? Take a short walk into deep water? Pig headed determinedness only takes a person so far, you know.

        Baseball has always been my outlet. I’ve liked my team for their very aloneness and the sense of tragi-comic endeavour that they embody. The pain of their losses and failures drive my whole “Seal Blubber” style.

        I’ve always been a fan of the downtrodden, the underdog, those that suffer and persevere. Anything I write about any team is based on that. I once swore off commenting about how stupid The Wilpons were and how badly the Mets were run because I couldn’t stand mocking that poor club or its fans. I felt for them. Any team that’s ignored by their fans and STILL strives in the face of it all is a team I root for and I’ll say that NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE THINKS. How I arrive at my fandom and the events of my life that lend force to how I comment are just the means by which a decent anecdote is shaped.

        What would anyone prefer? “Me like’um. Them play good”?

      • Old Gator - Apr 15, 2014 at 1:55 PM

        Uncle Mo – only if he doesn’t come back. And that’s by no means certain. And if he doesn’t, you face a highly competitive runoff.

      • unclemosesgreen - Apr 15, 2014 at 1:59 PM

        I live in the same village I grew up in – I know the vote-counters. There won’t be any run-off. As long as I don’t do anything too smart between now and the election, that dunce cap is mine all mine.

    • mckludge - Apr 15, 2014 at 12:49 PM

      Looks like somebody jumped on the Betamax and HD-DVD bandwagons in their past…

      • cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 12:53 PM

        Hey, at least it wasn’t bitcoin.

      • Old Gator - Apr 15, 2014 at 1:56 PM

        No, from the look of those guys, I’d say it was two-bitcoin.

    • Reflex - Apr 15, 2014 at 3:48 PM

      Cur –

      I have avoided responding to your pity party for a while now. Know this, I’m not taking sides, I do not hate or dislike you, but I think your perspective might need a little more information.

      Ponder this scenario:

      You are with a girl for many years. She has been your partner for nearly a decade and your best friend for much longer than that. You two were deeply in love, people always felt you belonged together, you knew everything about each other and were continual and constant support for each other. But over time you don’t notice that maybe there is more distance than there once was. Your career, her academic ambition, a rift has grown and you did not even realize it. One day, out of the blue she tells you she is seeing someone else. Oh its nothing serious she reassures you, but she reminds you that she was very young when you got together, that she never had the chance to date around, that you are the only person she ever kissed and she is now 28 and curious (and you are 36 and knew what you wanted when you started). You start to fall apart, realizing that no matter what her promises are, you’ve lost her. She’s seeing some handsome guy, foreign, and uncomplicated. None of the history, arguments or considerations matter, its new and fresh. You know she is lost but you spend months talking, begging and pleading with her to reconsider. Your attempts to leverage the history and knowledge of her to remind her of why you are good partners only serve to remind her of the complication, the irritations and reasons why she now believes you could never work out.

      For me, I label this “2013”.

      No offense, but you are that guy to me. The one who offers a fantasy. Who does not have any relationship baggage, and while you are truly a nice guy who won’t hurt her, you have a massively unfair advantage. I watched you and her over the past year with dread, noticing the parallels with my own situation. Ultimately I lost her and I am still recovering from that loss. Based on my experience last year, in which she went back and forth indecisively, raising my hopes and crushing them repeatedly, chances are high its over for her as well. But I feel no sympathy for you either, you are old enough to know what you are doing, and you knew she was not unattached when it began, just as he did. In many ways he was a predator, he knew his advantage and was able to sell his fantasy and partly because of her inexperience it worked despite many of her friends and her parents warning her she was crazy. I doubt that in your case she has made her final decision, but I hope to god she makes a truly honest effort to look at things objectively before she does.

      • stex52 - Apr 15, 2014 at 4:34 PM

        Bummer, Reflex. My sympathies. I hope 2014 holds more happiness for you.

      • cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 4:46 PM

        My friend (and I say that honestly and with all good intentions) I am sorry. Sorry that such troubles should find you, that such things should be yours to bear. I’ve always enjoyed your commentary and your outlook on life: you’re an often irreverent soul and I think a deep person.

        But your situation is not mine nor do I see myself as that other man. I have never in my life knowingly taken advantage of anyone as you describe and nothing in my life or what I’ve done to be where I am is that close. Not at all. I may have been deeply mislead about what was going on, but I was assured that NOTHING was like as you describe.

        The events of my life do colour what I write and how I write it, but that’s the way of writing and a part of a process. I have to survive and laughing at myself is how I do it. I laugh. I mock it. I mock myself and the absurdities of it all. How else does one get through the day? I’m free to do so, because in the end I’m alone with what I bear just as you are. If people cared for how you’d been hurt by them (and trust me on this, that is one HELL of a thing you describe: I wouldn’t wish that on an enemy) they’d DO something about it. To be left to suffer . . . well I don’t know. That’s the behaviour of sociopaths. I’m rather relieved you are not still with someone like that. You can do better.

        Tell yourself: “one day it will all be 10 years from now. I’ll laugh like a bastard about this”. Its what I do. In the meantime, chin up, mate. Sometimes the good people find each other.

      • Reflex - Apr 15, 2014 at 5:02 PM

        I am glad you can see that I am not angry at you per say, because I am not. But I do take issue with much of what you just said.

        Virtually everything you said there I guarantee you he could and would say as well. He certainly would not view himself as a predator, and of course going into the relationship he only heard her side (he’s never met me) and it was colored by her perception of things at the time. I guarantee you it is the same in your case. Her decisions may not make sense to you, but that is because your own view of the situation is incomplete, no matter how complete you may believe them to be.

        Many of the terms you use are themselves emotionally manipulative, the phrase ‘quiet desperation’ was honestly a low blow, it implies that her decision was between happiness (you) and unhappiness (returning to her marriage). The fact is that you cannot know that, and you are omitting the part where you just might not be what makes her happy at all and perhaps spending time with you is what made her realize it. Something telling in your missive was the phrase “Its not you…it needs time”. This is likely the truth, but you have not accepted that it likely is NOT you or else you wouldn’t be referencing it.

        I am aware that I do not know the intimate details. That said, I highly doubt you know them as well as you believe you know them. I personally feel that if a man has honor he backs off, is no more than a friend, until the woman is disentangled fully (and vice versa if the roles are reversed). Stepping in before everything is resolved can only make things worse for everyone involved, and extraordinarily painful.

        I do not believe you had any ill intent. I am not angry at you. And you are not the only one who has used the term ‘sociopath’ in relationship to her lately (including my councilor). She did not understand some very basic, human emotional reactions such as why I would be upset that she kissed him, or why I couldn’t just walk away and be her best friend again. But none of that changes the fact that I invested 14 years of my life into her, and I did so wholeheartedly with the best of intentions. I was never perfect, but my love was unconditional. And for her it meant nothing in the end.

        No, there really will never be a day I laugh about this. I don’t know if you will ever laugh about your situation either. Maybe you had some sort of reservation in my mind that held you back enough to eventually find humor in the situation, but I did not and I will not.

        Anyways, this was more about me than I meant it to be. I am trying to tell you, as someone who likes you, that you stepped in a hornets nest. And for some of us, it was painful to watch.

      • cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 5:53 PM

        Good lord. I wrote what I wrote to be absurd.

        The phrase “life of quiet desperation” comes from Henry David Thoreau and really reads “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” See that? “The Song Still In them”?? Music video? Madonna? It all works from that angle in my mind. Anyhow, its a common one and I use it quite a bit.

        On the whole, looking at all this hand wringing, I clearly should have gone with my first instinct: “I like Big Butts” as a better choice for affection, the end. But no. I had to reach for the DEEP and MEANINGFUL, didn’t I. Jeez.

      • Reflex - Apr 15, 2014 at 5:58 PM

        I can’t help but read it sincerely. Sorry that that was not your intent.

      • cur'68 - Apr 15, 2014 at 6:16 PM

        I tell you ‘flex if I knew all this pathos was out there I’d totally have gone a different direction. Its true, I’m seriously bummed. But I’m also pretty damn satisfied with myself, too. I can look back at a great number of things and feel like I was who I said I was and took at face value the things said to me since that was how I wished to be treated. I’m real calm about that. Hence I can laugh at me and my illogical sense of depression. Its that laughter that keeps me going.

        Seriously, the “I like big butts” requiem for a video clip would have been a better idea than all this painful soul wringing. My mistake and lesson learned. Take care.

    • moogro - Apr 15, 2014 at 7:40 PM

      Were these the same folks J-RO told to F-OFF?

  4. Gord - Apr 15, 2014 at 8:46 AM

    Cur68 wins the internet today, with this video coming in a close second.

  5. rje49 - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:06 AM

    Look at the box score of the game. The guy who by far pitched the worst got the win.

    • kevinbnyc - Apr 15, 2014 at 1:42 PM

      A lesson in pitching to the score.

  6. gmagic9044 - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:08 AM

    There’s a legitimate A Christmas Story moment by my man in the faded black shirt.

    I’m no lip reader but it looks an awful lot like “Ohhh…fuddddggggeeee….”

    Only he didn’t say “fudge”.

  7. jolink653 - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:22 AM

    I especially enjoyed watching the happiness melt away on that one kid’s face. You can just see the smile slowly droop frame-by-frame into a look of disappointment and shock. Someone at ESPN deserves a raise for this fine camera work

    • moogro - Apr 15, 2014 at 7:56 PM

  8. thephilsabide - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:26 AM

    The video will ultimately break your heart, Craig. It’s been seen at some clubs recently with Brooks Conrad.

    • rbj1 - Apr 15, 2014 at 10:05 AM

      TMZ has linked this video with Lindsay Lohan. Not the most reliable source, but still. . .

  9. mannyicey - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:26 AM

    I liked how that Philly fan in the white jersey just abruptly sat down and the guy with the hat started to look for an exit. I guess the girls didn’t care because they started laughing. I guess the guys tried to totally convince them that the hex would work and the girls laughed when it backfired.

    This was classic, epic failure.

  10. railcarcowboy - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:36 AM

    I wouldn’t call that taunting Uggla. He didnt even know they were there. I thought they were pretty cool.

  11. schmedley69 - Apr 15, 2014 at 9:59 AM

    The video saw your twitter profile pic. It just wants to be friends now.

  12. braddavery - Apr 15, 2014 at 10:15 AM

    I lol’ed.

  13. Alex K - Apr 15, 2014 at 11:13 AM

    Off topic: I love the descriptions of the articles on the homepage. It’s not quite the old tags, but it’s still pretty good. Speaking of which, BRING BACK THE OLD TAGS!

  14. randygnyc - Apr 15, 2014 at 11:14 AM

    Bravo Craig. BRAVO CUR!!!!

  15. yahmule - Apr 15, 2014 at 11:19 AM

    A lot of bitterness on this thread. Just because a video from the past did some of you guys wrong, you think they’re all the same. Time for you to move on with your lives.

    Craig just wants to be loved. Is that so wrong!?!?!

  16. El Bravo - Apr 15, 2014 at 11:20 AM

    So awesome I want to cry.

    • Utley's Hair - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:26 PM

      HEYWARD!!!!!!

      • El Bravo - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:27 PM

        Hair! Your doing pretty damn solid this year, I must say, Mr. Utley.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:28 PM

        Yup…it’s a lighter mousse. It doesn’t slow down the swing as much.

      • El Bravo - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:29 PM

        *you’re…

        Yeah I figured it was the mousse. I’m going to give some to Uggla. Other than last night, he blows.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:45 PM

        Give some Viagra to Heyward, too, ’cause he can’t keep it up. I dumped his sorry a$$ from my team last week.

      • El Bravo - Apr 15, 2014 at 3:51 PM

        mistake

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 15, 2014 at 4:18 PM

        We’ll see about that. But up to now, he’s been taunting me from the bench, and killing me on the field. If I kept him, he’d be using a spot to suck.

  17. atribecalledquestec - Apr 15, 2014 at 11:36 AM

    Excitement, drama, intrigue! This video has everything Craig could ask for in a video. A Barves victory! Premature heckling! Trolling the Phillies and their fan base. Folk-rock. Super slow-motion. No wonder he wants to marry this video, when it hits on every single one of his pleasure centers.

  18. shanabartels - Apr 15, 2014 at 12:30 PM

    That video was comedy gold.

  19. hieronymous27 - Apr 15, 2014 at 12:39 PM

    Do Philadelphia sports fans still eat their young? They verbally harass and beat up anyone who wears the colors of an opposing team. It is so enjoyable to watch them suffer and endure humiliation.

    • Alex K - Apr 15, 2014 at 12:43 PM

      This isn’t entirely true. I went to a game a CBP a few years ago, when the Phillies were good, and nobody gave me one second of crap about my Cubs hat.

      • Kevin S. - Apr 15, 2014 at 5:33 PM

        Never for an actual Yankees-Phillies game, but I’ve gone to the Bank a couple times since the ’09 Series in my Yankee attire and never gotten any crap from the locals about it.

      • Alex K - Apr 15, 2014 at 7:52 PM

        Yeah, I wasn’t at a Cubs-Phillies game. But still, no one said a word.

  20. aceshigh11 - Apr 15, 2014 at 12:54 PM

    Holy hell…that was brilliant.

  21. Old Gator - Apr 15, 2014 at 1:57 PM

    Did they cut off that video just as the fat guy on the left barfed on the girl in front of him?

  22. historiophiliac - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:20 PM

    Run, video! Run!

  23. stex52 - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:37 PM

    I was watching the game while chatting on line with some friends, two of whom are Phans and happen to hang around here occasionally. Gotta love them. Triumph and despair are mirror images of one another. Nobody seems to understand that like a Phan.

    Trudge onward, guys. Illegitimi Non Carborundum.

    • Utley's Hair - Apr 15, 2014 at 2:47 PM

      What’s that about carburetors? Or was that carbonation?

      • historiophiliac - Apr 15, 2014 at 3:04 PM

        Buuuuurp

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