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Now it can be told: Matt Cain sliced his finger cutting a sandwich into “fancy triangles”

May 6, 2014, 11:19 AM EDT

Matt Cain AP

Giants right-hander Matt Cain was placed on the disabled list after cutting his finger while trying to make a sandwich in the team clubhouse.

That’s an injury that lends itself to a lot of ribbing from teammates, fans, and even media members, so Cain felt the need to clarify that … well, he does know how to make a sandwich without slicing his hand open. He just struggles with the whole post-sandwich making routine, apparently.

Via Hank Schulman of the San Francisco Chronicle:

Cain wants it known that he had finished the ham-and-cheese sandwich and grabbed the knife so he could cut it. “I went to cut it, to make it fancy in triangles,” he said. When he dropped the knife he tried to catch it, and now he is on the DL for the second time in his career.

Who among us hasn’t been hurt by our sandwich vanity? It’s a tale as old as time. I once tried to cut the crust off a turkey sandwich and ended up murdering a family of six. Also, pro tip: In general, don’t try to catch knives.

  1. tvguy22 - May 6, 2014 at 11:24 AM

    Fancy? Like scalene triangles?

    • thailer35 - May 6, 2014 at 11:31 AM

      Don’t be so obtuse.

      Geometry humor.

      • sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - May 6, 2014 at 11:44 AM

        Your pointed remarks are not welcome here.

      • phantomspaceman - May 6, 2014 at 12:17 PM

        I don’t much care for the angle you’ve taken with your jokes.

      • nothanksimdriving123 - May 6, 2014 at 2:30 PM

        I think there are other sides to this story not being reported.

      • kevinbnyc - May 6, 2014 at 4:23 PM

        There’s absolutely no need to protract these jokes further.

      • phantomspaceman - May 6, 2014 at 4:31 PM

        Quit acting like a bunch of squares.

      • binarymath - May 7, 2014 at 1:02 PM

        Everyone loves acute baseball story…

      • oliverwhchan - May 7, 2014 at 1:59 PM

        Did he not cut it at the right angle?

  2. doctornature - May 6, 2014 at 11:43 AM

    Thank god he didn’t try an octagon. Mordecai Three Finger Brown might have been relegated to second place on the lowest-number-of-fingers-to-play-MLB list.

    • historiophiliac - May 6, 2014 at 3:00 PM

      Oooh, finger sandwiches!

      • anthonyverna - May 6, 2014 at 3:26 PM

        Only for the classiest tuna salad.

  3. buddysguys - May 6, 2014 at 12:14 PM

    reminds me of Dustin Penner hurting his back reachign for some “delcious pancakes”

  4. scoutsaysweitersisabust - May 6, 2014 at 12:34 PM

    Maybe it’s a better idea not to try to catch knives and let them hit the floor…

  5. sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - May 6, 2014 at 1:07 PM

    This is why men shouldn’t make sandwiches.

    • anotheryx - May 6, 2014 at 1:26 PM

      Nah, when women make sandwiches they like to put strange stuff on it. Like “vegedoables” or something.

      • historiophiliac - May 6, 2014 at 1:50 PM

        It’s a hummus wrap — and it’s good for you. Branch out from sandwiches you have to spell (PB&J, BLT). Don’t cut yourself on the fruit cup lid either. And, use a napkin.

      • sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - May 6, 2014 at 2:19 PM

        Wraps will kill ya. Loaded with lard and such. At least the good ones are.

      • grumpyoleman - May 6, 2014 at 2:21 PM

        Isn’t hummus made from that crap I throw out of my Greek Salads?

  6. darman55 - May 6, 2014 at 1:15 PM

    I usually just cut my sandwiches into triangles. I guess when you sign a nine figure contract, they become FANCY….triangles.

    By the way how hard is it to do? Instead of cutting the sandwich straight across or verticle, it’s slanted. He wasn’t shaping a piece of art fer gawd sakes.

  7. zdravit - May 6, 2014 at 1:22 PM

    Some guys will do anything for a vacation.

    • thailer35 - May 6, 2014 at 1:30 PM

      I’d catch a knife to have the Giant’s pay me to sit around.

    • yahmule - May 6, 2014 at 3:52 PM

      I’m pretty sure my cousin stuck his toe into the lawn mower blade so they would never ask him to cut the grass again. He even tipped me a little wink as he displayed the mangled digit.

  8. illuminancer - May 6, 2014 at 1:27 PM

    All I know is that Jeremy Affeldt is thrilled by this.

  9. faithlessheathen - May 6, 2014 at 2:14 PM

    Sandwichgate.

  10. mikhelb - May 6, 2014 at 2:23 PM

    Still it wont beat that time Pavano hurt his buttocks, and a medic said it looked “like somebody had spanked the hell out of him”… for real. Or was it Kevin Brown? I always mix those two andd their hundreds of lessions.

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