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Bryce Harper: please show yourself out

May 9, 2014, 11:11 AM EDT

Some people think Bryce Harper is the seventh best Nationals player. I don’t think that. That’s just the odd CW that has developed in the last week or so because someone, somewhere thinks that he needs to be taught a lesson, learn his place or who the heck knows what.

But my god, he needs to be put in detention for this tweet during last night’s NFL Draft:

The best part of it is that right before I saw that tweet, I saw a bunch of people tweeting about how if you make a “Clown question, bro” joke about the Clowney pick, you’re pretty much the worst hack Twitter comedian ever:

Part of me hopes Harper purely and innocently came up with that on his own. Part of me hopes he was reading Berman’s feed and decided to mess with everyone. Either way, it’s just reason number 3,443,259 that I don’t watch the draft. I watched “Kill Bill Vol. 1” on Netflix and then the first couple innings of the Dodgers-Giants game. And I feel so much better about that.

  1. wonkypenguin - May 9, 2014 at 11:16 AM

    I giggled when I saw it last night. But I’m married to a pun-loving woman so I’ve been trained.

  2. lukedunphysscienceproject - May 9, 2014 at 11:23 AM

    I’m confused. You honestly don’t know where the “Bryce Harper is the Nationals 7th best player chatter” started, or are you being sarcastic?

    If you are being sarcastic, then I apologize in advance for my sensors being a little out of tune this morning. If not, I direct you to the column that started it all:

    Which contains the immortal line:

    “Can we get a grip? Counting their three top starting pitchers, Harper may be the Nats’ seventh-best player. If forced to choose whether Harper or Anthony Rendon would have the better career, I’d think twice.”

    I happened to be in DC on business the day after this column came out, and believe me, local radio was much abuzz with the “7th best player” notion.

    • natstowngreg - May 9, 2014 at 12:11 PM

      It is hard to convey sarcasm on a blog, to be sure. But I’m pretty sure Craig was being sarcastic.

      • lukedunphysscienceproject - May 9, 2014 at 12:19 PM

        I figured, hence the disclaimer at the top.

      • natstowngreg - May 9, 2014 at 12:23 PM

        Yeah, saw that.

    • raysfan1 - May 9, 2014 at 12:46 PM

      It was sarcasm. Craig posted about the Boswell article when it happened, so he’s very aware of it.

  3. giantsninerswarriors - May 9, 2014 at 11:25 AM

    Craig Calcaterra, 2014: I’m too highbrow to watch the NFL Draft!

    Craig Calcaterra, 2019, when NBC obtains the right to broadcast the NFL Draft: The NFL draft is so exciting and tense! I love it!

    • natstowngreg - May 9, 2014 at 12:17 PM

      Nope, for two reasons.

      First, it’s hard to see ESPN giving up the draft. The NFL Draft has helped make ESPN. I’d expect them to pay whatever it takes to keep it.

      Second, if NBC did get the NFL Draft, I’m confident Craig would still dis it. In part, because he’s a baseball snob (and I mean that in a good way). In part, because NBC wouldn’t need its resident baseball blogger to shill for the NFL. They already pay Mike Florio to do that.

      • dcarroll73 - May 9, 2014 at 4:49 PM

        Is that why Florio gets paid? I never could see any reason why anyone in right mind would pay him (except maybe to go away.)

    • infieldhit - May 9, 2014 at 12:32 PM

      I’m certainly enjoying NBC’s MLB broadcasts. But I’m glad the Olympics are over so Craig will stop blabbering about it…

    • Craig Calcaterra - May 9, 2014 at 12:53 PM

      The highest rated show on television — not just sports but all of TV — is NBC’s Sunday Night Football. The single biggest referral source of hits to this blog is PFT. Football pays my salary in very literal ways.

      If you can find where that fact has colored my opinion of the NFL, please point it out to the rest of the class.

  4. voteforno6 - May 9, 2014 at 11:34 AM

    Yeah, because Mike Trout’s puns are so much funnier, it’s not even close.

    • yahmule - May 9, 2014 at 1:33 PM

      His Tim Salmon set was groundbreaking stuff. It was like early Hedberg.

  5. sabatimus - May 9, 2014 at 11:46 AM

    Um, so what?

  6. urallstupid - May 9, 2014 at 11:58 AM

    what a hipster that craig is, not watching the NFL draft.

  7. Todd Boss - May 9, 2014 at 12:01 PM

    Come on, you laughed. You have to hand it to the kid to make light of a situation that caused so much unnecessary ink last year.

  8. handsomedansome - May 9, 2014 at 12:06 PM

    The ever sophisticated Calcaterra; the NFL draft and a twenty-something tweeting puns, ain’t got time for that.

  9. alamosweet - May 9, 2014 at 12:10 PM

    You are allowed to make the obvious joke if you are the one who invented it.

    • natstowngreg - May 9, 2014 at 12:21 PM

      True, but according to The Narrative(tm), Harper was an immature jerk for making the “clown question” comment in the first place. Because anything coming out of his mouth is, by definition, immature and jerky.

  10. braddavery - May 9, 2014 at 12:17 PM

    Should have just tweeted himself eating with his friends at a fancy restaurant. Those are always amazing.

  11. infieldhit - May 9, 2014 at 12:26 PM

    Everyone here loves the NFL draft despite the endless media hype and obsession? And they thought Harper’s tweet was hilarious? I’m so disillusioned.

  12. bigbenh8tr - May 9, 2014 at 12:56 PM

    Craig stop being such a tool. There is more room in your life than one sport and you dont need to resent everyone who doesn’t share your holier than thou opinions. Goodbye hbt, hello pft

    • Reflex - May 9, 2014 at 2:09 PM

      Don’t let the door hit you on the way out….

  13. paulier55 - May 9, 2014 at 1:29 PM

    Kill Bill Vol. 1= an utter masterpiece and Tarantino’s best film, IMO.

  14. yahmule - May 9, 2014 at 1:35 PM

    Who the heck is Mark Berman?

  15. sportsdrenched - May 9, 2014 at 1:57 PM

    To the rest of us hacks, yes that tweet is lame, and lazy, and you should have your password reset and have to solve a difficult riddle to get it back.

    But, there was one guy who could tweet that tweet and make it awesome, and that guy did exactly that.

    • btcolephd - May 9, 2014 at 2:05 PM

      I like the idea of the Sphinx as an Internet security system. I believe the Sphinx ate people who gave wrong answers, as an added bonus.

  16. sportsdrenched - May 9, 2014 at 2:01 PM

    I’m a big football fan too. But there wasn’t a football game on last night so I watched parts of 3 different baseball games. Get back to me when these guys are playing meaningful snaps.

  17. recoveringcubsfan - May 9, 2014 at 2:40 PM

    I dearly look forward to the day that CC defends Harper’s personality flaws as fiercely as he does for wieners like Puig. They’re just talented kids, give ’em room! Or something. Right? Craig seems to be implying that he’s going to start doing that for Harper (same contrarian as ever. Can’t help it, apparently). Actually, I hope someone starts sticking up for Harper, before he just demands a trade out of DC’s ridiculous babble sphere. Go for it, CC!

    • clemente2 - May 9, 2014 at 5:52 PM

      Is it a nutritional problem you have with your memory? Scarlet fever at a young age?

      Or reading comprehension in general?

  18. musketmaniac - May 9, 2014 at 4:05 PM

    kill bill either volume sucks. Tarantino is a child, Only five Tarantino movies worth watching Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Natural Born Killers, True Romance and Jackie Brown. . `When you absolutely positively have to kill every last one of them, the AK-47 accept no substitutes…… would have loved to see Tarantino direct Killers, Oliver Stone screwed it up a little. But Tony Scott did an exceptional job on Romance.. But Kill Bill should never be in the same conversation with these films. Maybe with the Grindhouse shyt …

    • yahmule - May 9, 2014 at 5:35 PM

      “This guy sucks! He’s only made five good movies!”

  19. hittfamily - May 10, 2014 at 1:02 AM

    I don’t know who “Mark Berman” is, but I promise Bryce Harper doesn’t pay much attention to his Twitter account.

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