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Settling the Scores: Saturday’s results

May 18, 2014, 6:30 AM EDT

Paul Goldschmidt Getty Images

You don’t see Clayton Kershaw taken to the woodshed like this every day.

The Diamondbacks pummeled the Dodgers’ ace last night, beating him up for seven runs on six hits in an inning and two-thirds. Things actually settled down for a bit after that and the Dodgers even managed to pull close — it was 9-7 after the Dodgers scored five runs in the sixth — but Arizona kept on hitting and made this one into a laugher with nine unanswered runs after that.

Paul Goldschmidt homered twice, had a career-high six RBI and set a team record with five runs scored. Chris Owings homered, triples and doubled. A.J. Pollock and Eric Chavez homered. Martin Prado had three RBIs. Even the Dodgers’ secret bullpen weapon — catcher Drew Butera — couldn’t help put out the fire. He allowed two runs on two hits, including a homer.

Here are the rest of yesterday’s box scores:

Diamondbacks 18, Dodgers 7
Yankees 7, Pirates 1
Cardinals 4, Braves 1
Cubs 3, Brewers 0
Astros 6, White Sox 5
Mets 5, Nationals 2
Athletics 6, Indians 2
Phillies 12, Reds 1
Tigers 6, Red Sox 1
Padres 8, Rockies 5
Royals 1, Orioles 0
Twins 4, Mariners 3
Marlins 5, Giants 0
Blue Jays 4, Rangers 2
Angels 6, Rays 0

  1. Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 6:42 AM

    The Feesh continued their charmed life against the Jints in whatever the big corporate named ballpark they play in now, with Tom Koehler, who has been the back-of-the-rotation surprise of the season throwing most of the shutout. After a close encounter with the strange attractor the Feesh have arrested their nosedive and are two over and sitting half a game out of first place in the NL East, just like them Feather Lice up north. Last night was another one where I found something else to do – the haute-Celtic weirdness of Henke Milne and the Three Jacks at the world famous Luna Star Cafe in this case – so I only got to watch the highlight reels. The Iron Giant tripled and then parked one in the opposite field bleachers, which is something he’s been doing with some regularity lately – meaning, I suspect, that he is finally coming of age as the ferocious slugger he was meant to be.

    Just in time to play himself out of here as soon as his arbitration eligibility begins to threaten Scrooge McLoria’s money bin.

    • proudlycanadian - May 18, 2014 at 6:56 AM

      The feathered lice got another fine performance from Buehrle. Too bad he got a no decision. Mighty Casey has straightened out the bullpen. Another home run from Joey Bats and some dynamic small ball from the speed merchant Anthony Gose. The Texas Lawmen wasted a challenge on the swipe of third by Gose. He stole that base fair and square, subsequently scoring on an infield out. Crime sometimes pays.

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 7:01 AM

        See you in October, fella.

        So how’s that pseudopod healing up?

      • proudlycanadian - May 18, 2014 at 7:32 AM

        As of Tuesday, I was allowed to put weight on the ankle. The wheelchair has been sent packing. The doctor wants to see me again in 6 weeks.

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 12:43 PM

        Good to hear. You’ll prolly be up and around before El Keed is.

  2. renaado - May 18, 2014 at 6:58 AM

    Oh God Braves… Please not another sweep.

    Just watched the recap of the D-backs and Dodger game, And damn Kershaw was pummeled hard, Butera pitchin in the 8th with a 2-1 count against Goldy was surely an apple pie with a cherry on top served world class 81 mph Fastball right down the heart of the plate, SMOKED.

  3. proudlycanadian - May 18, 2014 at 6:58 AM

    I am hoping that Johnny gives us an update on the Preakness. It seemed to be a much better race than the Derby. The top 3 finishers all ran well.

    • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 7:02 AM

      I see three cans of Alpo in their long term futures.

      • proudlycanadian - May 18, 2014 at 7:33 AM

        Half of the horses in the race did run like dogs.

      • johnnysoda - May 18, 2014 at 7:35 AM

        Dat class!

      • groupofsevenrules - May 18, 2014 at 9:40 AM

        Gator, did a horse ever kick you in the head or something?

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 9:43 AM

        Nope. It’s just that people have a strange fascination with things that go around in circles. I prefer things that hit the line and run with it…but then that’s just me. To each his own.People have a strange fascination with things that go around in circles. I prefer things that hit the line and run with it…but then that’s just me. To each his own.People have a strange fascination with things that go around in circles. I prefer things that hit the line and run with it…but then that’s just me. To each his own. People have a strange fascination with things that go around in circles. I prefer….

      • unclemosesgreen - May 18, 2014 at 11:45 AM

        Not a fan of the circular, eh? So I guess you’re not a Finnegan’s Wake fan? Also out – NASCAR, track & field, dogracing. What about a cat chasing its own tail? That’s adorable.

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 12:26 PM

        I do make exceptions, and the Wake is one of them. It gave us the word “quark,” you know, for which we cannot be grateful enough. In the same vein, I also make an exception for the ouroboros. It’s a cool word and you can show orf with it at cocktail parties. NASCAR and all other forms of racing machines, except pylon racing airplanes (the pilot in me exults), are out. People going around in circles I have to accept for practical reasons, especially when I find myself looking for a parking spot.

      • Shayna - May 18, 2014 at 1:54 PM

        Hah! “quark” existed long before it turned up in Mr. Joyce’s elegant work.

        True, its use in subatomic physics was initiated by a Finnegan fan — Murray Gell-Mann, unless I am mistaken. (You might enjoy his “The Quark and the Jaguar” — it sounded fascinating but I petered out after a few chapters.) Hence, the beautiful, charming, and strange elements of the atom.

        But quark had an earlier life as a word for a form of fermented milk or sour cream. Still available in quality delis in North America. Mittel-Europa’s equivalent of Devonshire cream, and just as delectable.

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 2:08 PM

        Shayna – yep, I’m familiar with Gell-Mann, not least because he’s a friend of Cormac McCarthy’s, whom he originally invited to the Santa Fe Institute where Cormac became writer-in-residence, and often helps the scientists there out by editing their articles and publications (Gell-Mann thanks McCarthy for his help in the preface to Quark and the Jaguar, which I do own and which helped me back to reality after The Dancing Wu Li Masters and The Tao of Physics). Thanks to a two-semester intensive Joyce seminar with the late great Joyce scholar Zack Bowen, I not only knew about the dairy quark, but have ackcherley eaten the stuff with gooseberries in my sister-in-law’s very own kitchen in Gloucestershire. Yeah, a more assertive form of sour cream with gestures towards a shy yogurt would describe it. But I was zeroed in on the way Gell-Mann plucked it out of the Wake and bequeathed it to all future scientific iconophiliacs.

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 2:09 PM

        PS – wouldn’t you just kill to be a fly on the wall in the Santa Fe Institute cafeteria when McCarthy and Gell-Mann are discussing Joyce?

    • jimeejohnson - May 18, 2014 at 12:06 PM

      Western philosophy= linear
      Eastern philosophy= circular

      I think Gator’s more Eastern than he admits: for example, what goes around comes around.

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 12:35 PM

        Yeah – you’re watching out for it and then it hits you in the ass. Just great.

        But if there’s one thing in my life that my years have taught it’s
        That you can always see it coming, but you can never stop it.

        Cowboy Junkies, “Bea’s Song” (Western)

        And we go round and round and round in the circle game.

        Joni Mitchell (Eastern)

        PS – the Eastern/Western dichotomy thou proposest is more apparent than real. Their are plenty of linear formulations in eastern thought, especially in the graphic rendering of Eastern languages. Sanskrit is relentlessly linear – Devanagri text is only interrupted by the margins of the page, for example, and Chines, Korean, and Japanese text is columnar. In the West, fundamentalist Bible beaters keep on repeating the same old crap over and over and over.

  4. seanwasamarine - May 18, 2014 at 7:03 AM

    That Dbacks game was the most entertaining game I have seen in years.

    • blacksables - May 18, 2014 at 7:05 AM

      Blame it on LaRussa. He knows how to win.

    • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 7:06 AM

      The LaRussa effect…obviously, they all want to make a good impression on him.

      • jimeejohnson - May 18, 2014 at 12:07 PM

        Dodgers have been KILLING the Diamondbacks up until this game. Kershaw’s allowed to have a bad outing.

    • moogro - May 18, 2014 at 2:18 PM

      It was a really fun game, but for constantly thinking about a concealed Kershaw injury.

  5. johnnysoda - May 18, 2014 at 7:36 AM

    Royals 1, Orioles 0- Danny Duffy got the first 20 Orioles out- with only two strikeouts- before Adam Jones changed his plans with a single. Didn’t matter much, though, as Greg Holland stifled a ninth inning rally to give the Royals the win. Speaking of a lack of strikeouts, Bud Norris had 7 1/3 solid innings of his own, yet he had but one strikeout. Weird times in normal Kansas City.

    Blue Jays 4, Rangers 2- Prince Fielder’s 547 consecutive games streak- the 25th longest in baseball history- comes to an end due to a herniated disc. By the way, I was looking this kind of stuff up, and the difference between Cal Ripken’s streak and Lou Gehrig’s streak is 502 games. The difference between Gehrig and Everett Scott, in third place, is a mind-boggling 823 games. It’s incredible how far Gehrig and Ripken are from the rest.

    Yankees 7, Pirates 1- Five home runs by the Yankees gave them the win in the lidlifter. Zolio Almonte had one of them in his return to the big leagues. Ordinarily, I’d like this, because I liked Almonte last year, but that meant that radio listeners had to hear John Sterling say “zoiled again!” That is a fate no baseball fan should have to suffer.

    Cardinals 4, Braves 1- Shelby Miller did not give up an earned run through seven innings as the Cardinals take the first two. They’re now only four back in the NL Central.

    Cubs 3, Brewers 0- Two first inning doubles by Wellington Castillo and Starlin Castro gave the Cubs what they needed.

    Mets 5, Nationals 2- Eric Campbell- who I didn’t know existed until today- and Juan Lagares drove in all the runs for the Mets as they earned the win. In other news, both the Yankees and the Mets played at 4:05. Not that it mattered too much to me, because I was out all day (go California Chrome!), but it would be a lot more convenient for other NY baseball fans if one of these teams played at 1:00 or 7:00. Alas, it was not destined to be that way. But it would’ve been nice.

    Twins 4, Mariners 3- Brian Dozier’s three-run home run proved the difference as the Twins take the first two from the Mariners. After being considered contenders for a short while, the Mariners are free. They’re free fallin’. Free fallin’, yeah they’re free fallin’.

    Astros 6, White Sox 5- The roof at Minute Maid Park was open for this one. Stadiums like that kind of make me forget that they have retractable roofs, as they’re always closed. Like I always think of Chase Field or Marlins Park as being indoor stadiums, yet, once in a long while, they will crack it open and let the sun in. Better enjoy them while they’re open.

    Athletics 6, Indians 2- Another trip by the A’s to Cleveland, another umpire controversy: this time, Scott Kazmir was ejected in the second inning over balls and strikes. Dan Otero, however, came out of the bullpen to throw some sharp innings out of the bullpen and pick up the win. Josh Donaldson and Brandon Moss had three RBI apiece. Oakland’s won seven of eight.

    Tigers 6, Red Sox 1- The Tigers have become the personification of Mike Tyson’s quote: “My power is discombobulatingly devastating. I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under the weight of my force. It is ludicrous that these mortals even attempt to enter my realm”

    Phillies 12, Reds 1- Big innings in the fourth and sixth were just what the Phillies ordered as they got the win. Domonic Brown had five RBI. Last year, Brown was the NL’s Player of the Month for May, so it’s nice to see him regain some of that form.

    Diamondbacks 18, Dodgers 7- Clayton Kershaw was decidedly un-Kershaw like (1 2/3 IP, 6 H, 7 ER, 2 BB, 3 K). Maybe that wasn’t actually Kershaw pitching, and it was one of those Freaky Friday-esque moments in which he accidentally switched places with a fan. So right now, Kershaw is walking around in some random dude’s body, wondering when he will ever get to pitch again. Meanwhile, that fan gets to live the MLB dream, but embarrasses Kershaw and the Dodgers.

    Padres 8, Rockies 5- The Padres were up 6-1 through three innings and held on to secure the win. Yonder Alonso had two RBI. I remember hearing once that Alonso’s parents, who are from Cuba, didn’t know what “yonder” meant in English, and just made the name Yonder up because they liked the way it sounded. I believe it was Vin Scully who said that, so you can tell it’s legit.

    Marlins 5, Giants 0- Five different scoring plays- including a Giancarlo Stanton home run- gave Miami the win. They’ll look for the series win tomorrow.

    Angels 6, Rays 0- C.J. Wilson throws a complete game shutout while Grant Green- another guy I had never heard of until a few minutes ago- homers. All the scoring in here was done in the first three innings.

    • renaado - May 18, 2014 at 7:44 AM

      Zoilo “Zeal” Almonte. I’m hopin someone there in the Yankee booth calls him that. Still, truly another awesome recap johnny.

    • proudlycanadian - May 18, 2014 at 7:47 AM

      I assume that you will be betting on California Chrome in the Belmont.

      • johnnysoda - May 18, 2014 at 7:50 AM

        I will be rooting for him, but his odds will be much too low for a wager. Besides, it won’t be an easy bunch: a lot of good horses are pointing there, including the top five finishers from the Kentucky Derby.

      • proudlycanadian - May 18, 2014 at 7:52 AM

        I am sure that you will be there.

      • johnnysoda - May 18, 2014 at 8:06 AM

        Unfortunately, no. My cousin decided June 7 would be a great day to get married, so I will be watching the race from elsewhere. This will break a streak of five straight Belmonts I have attended.

      • proudlycanadian - May 18, 2014 at 8:11 AM

        Congratulations to your cousin, but condolences to you on the timing.

    • thetoolsofignorance - May 18, 2014 at 10:10 AM

      I hope that is it for Clayton Kershaw. 3 triples in one inning says “stop pouring it down the middle”! Dodgers nearly pulled this one back, but the shambles of a bullpen let it get out if hand. Even Drew Butera got lit up. Well some days you’re the match and some days you’re the gas and some days you’re the charcoal and still other days you’re match, gas AND charcoal. Dodger blue was all of it and a nice steak, too. Served well done. Burnt actually.

      • renaado - May 18, 2014 at 10:15 AM

        Butera’s fastball right down the heart is just… Man, that 81 mph “heater” is any ballplayers dream.

  6. chill1184 - May 18, 2014 at 9:22 AM

    A couple of things;

    Juan Lagares is awesome

    Big fan of the Nationals navy blue jerseys with the “W” in the flag colors

    Nice to see Colon have a much better start than he did at Yankee stadium

  7. janessa31888 - May 18, 2014 at 10:00 AM

    Ugh. I need a shoulder to cry on. This is just sad 😦 Every area of this team is bad right now.

    • thetoolsofignorance - May 18, 2014 at 10:04 AM

      Cubs fan?

      • renaado - May 18, 2014 at 10:11 AM

        Tribe fan.

      • thetoolsofignorance - May 18, 2014 at 10:13 AM

        That’s a good thing, then. At least there’s hope.

    • proudlycanadian - May 18, 2014 at 10:26 AM

      Don’t blame us. We gave you a Brazilian for free..

      • renaado - May 18, 2014 at 10:31 AM

        Certainly a good catcher too no doubt.

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 12:36 PM

        Give us Sonia Baraga next time. We’ll be less critical.

      • janessa31888 - May 18, 2014 at 12:55 PM

        Oh, I’m certainly not blaming you. Yan provides some rare good moments.
        His trade mate, Mike Aviles, is some nice eye candy :)

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 1:27 PM

        That stuff will rot your teeth.

        Heh, heh…cue the Jungian allusions….

    • indaburg - May 18, 2014 at 7:47 PM

      Likewise. At least your area has fans who give a damn.

  8. happytwinsfan - May 18, 2014 at 10:05 AM

    About the sixth inning of the last two Twins games I muted the TV, and let, on Friday night my Judy Garland Pandora station – Saturday night my Letterman station, in conjunction with drunkentwinsfan, take over. The unifying theme both nights was the game concluding appearance of the Lakeville Kid.

    The young millionaire has reportedly purchased an estate there, where, I hope, in preference to Florida he actually resides. It’s a realistic hope. He was born and raised in Blaine or somewhere so I’ve heard.

    Lakeville is just off 35 about a third of the way from the cities to Faribault, where I used to take Joey to see his lame ass shrink, lame ass in the sense that he didn’t love Joey and Joey knew it. Besides being cognately limited and coming from a tortured family Joey was autistic, all while being in his early twenties when life tells you it should be limitless. When Joey’s frustrations landed his teeth in your forearm, it was hard to love Joey. To keep things on the reservation I’d always stop at the McDonalds in Lakeville and get Joey a “side salad with a four piece McNugget”, because he needed to know that someone remembered that that is what he wanted, even if he didn’t really want it.

    Chuck that pill Lakeville Kid!

  9. uyf1950 - May 18, 2014 at 11:03 AM

    The Yankees pitchers continued their excellent pitching on Saturday. This time allowing just 1 ER over 9 innings. Phelps did struggle a bit having to throw 100 pitches over 5 innings but the end result is what matters. Hopefully Kuroda can keep in going in the first game of Sunday’s twin bill.

  10. nbjays - May 18, 2014 at 11:04 AM

    I started out watching the White Sox – Astros game on WGN in the afternoon, but turned off the sound after about two innings because Hawk Harrelson got annoying in a hurry. Then my 12-year-old daughter expressed an interest in watching the Star Wars movies (which she had never seen) in chronological order, so we ditched the White Sox and cued up “The Phantom Menace”. Once that was over, we picked up the Jays – Rangers in the 5th, tied at 1, and watched that to the end. All in all, a great afternoon / evening (except for Harrelson).

    • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 11:22 AM

      I dunno. Being subjected to those “first three” soulless Star Wars films doesn’t strike me as a great afternoon – but then, I won’t be twelve years old again for quite a few more years. In any case, the real way to watch the Star Wars movies in chronological order is to begin with Akira Kurosawa’s The Hidden Fortress and then show her the so-called “Episode IV.”

      • jimeejohnson - May 18, 2014 at 12:10 PM

        Gonna check that out, Gator. Thanks, as always, for enriching this site with other areas of our culture. America: Love it or…Love it some more.

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 12:38 PM

        Yep, there’s nothing as mother’s a pie American as a Kurosawa film.

      • Old Gator - May 18, 2014 at 12:40 PM

        Now how the hell did that URL lyce my sentence like that? For clarity: Yep, there’s nothing as mother’s apple pie American as a Kurosawa film.

  11. APBA Guy - May 18, 2014 at 2:05 PM

    The A’s have won 8 of 9 despite the best efforts of the umpires in Cleveland. Not only was there the Kazmir Incident (which is now a part of the California History Core Curriculum), but there was another blown homerun call by the umps, even after a review. Readers will recall last year’s Rosales non-homer. This year it was a Callaspo shot careening off those same dark green rails right behind the yellow line. Again the umps blew it.

    My advice to A’s hitters: hit it 6 feet further when in Cleveland.

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