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And That Happened: Tuesday’s scores and highlights

May 21, 2014, 6:54 AM EDT

Adam Wainwright AP

Cardinals 5, Diamondbacks 0: Adam Wainwright with the one-hitter ,allowing nothing but a double to Paul Goldschmidt in the fourth. No walks either, with nine strikeouts. If you’re into game scores, this one game in at a 94, which tied him with Andrew Cashner for the best pitching performance of the year (Cashner tossed a one-hitter with 11 Ks and 2 walks against the Tigers on April 11). Even if you’re not into game scores, I hope you can appreciate this.

Cubs 6, Yankees 1: Of all the teams to finally beat Tanaka I never would’ve guessed it’d be the Cubs. But they touched him for four runs — three earned — while the offense couldn’t get much going against Jason Hammel. It was Tanaka’s first loss in nine major league starts and, including his NPB record, his first loss in 42 starts overall.

Orioles 9, Pirates 2: Chris Davis went 4 for 5 with three homers and five driven in. Davis had only had three homers in his first 30 games. Either he just guessed right three times yesterday or else that oblique muscle of his is feeling better.

Indians 6, Tigers 2: The Tigers have no won since their Zubaz caused their airplane to break down. Just sayin’.

Braves 5, Brewers 0: Julio Teheran bounces back in a big way from his cruddy start against the Giants last week. Here he tossed a six-hit shutout. He also tossed 128 pitches which, eh, but OK. Justin Upton hit a two-run homer and drove in another run with a single. The Brewers have lost four in a row. Their lead in the central is down to 2.5 games. I feel like we’re seeing the end of their surprise story of 2014.

Phillies 6, Marlins 5: Not pretty — Phillies pitcher walked eight dudes and both A.J. Burnett and Jonathan Papelbon were shaky at best — but a W anyway. Mike Redmond was ejected for arguing balls and strikes. I didn’t see it so maybe he had a point, but on a night when your guys walk eight times I feel like any bad strike zones are helping your guys out a good deal too.

Dodgers 9, Mets 4: The good: Adrian Gonzalez homered and had three hits overall and Yasiel Puig reached base five times. The bad: Juan Uribe strained his hamstring in the ninth innings. The ugly: It was a Josh Beckett game in which he threw 99 pitches in five innings, Mets starter Rafael Montero was less efficient than Beckett and we also had a Daisuke Matsuzaka appearance. All of that helped set a four hour, eight minute pace. For a nine inning game. Which is just brutal.

Mariners 6, Rangers 2: Kyle Seager had three hits and drove in two while Robinson Cano, Dustin Ackley and Nick Franklin added two hits each. Hisashi Iwakuma tossed eight drama-free innings. This comment from Seager about Iwakuma was fun too:

“He’s phenomenal,” Seager said of Iwakuma. “He’s got great tempo and seduces ground balls.”

I hope that is a typo by the AP reporter. Otherwise, it’s a bit too much information about Iwakuma’s personal life.

Athletics 3, Rays 0: Drew Pomeranz tossed five shutout innings, won his third in a row and lowered his ERA to 0.94. It’s almost like him leaving Colorado was a good thing. All three of his starts have been five-inning, zero runs affairs.

Nationals 9, Reds 4: Yesterday in an HBT video I said that Johnny Cueto would give up two runs in a game before Masahiro Tanaka got his first loss. I’m pretty sure the sixth inning of this game happened before the decision in the Cubs-Yankees game was final, so I’m gonna claim victory. Cueto as rocked for six earned runs — eight overall — in five and a third innings of work. Denard Span was 5 for 5. Doug Fister allowed two runs in seven innings.

Blue Jays 7, Red Sox 4: Two home runs for Edwin Encarnacion as the Jays hand the Sox their fifth straight loss. The Jays have won six of eight. Encarnacion has nine homers in May. The Boston media should be reaching a nice frothy lather of panic around now.

Editor’s Note: Hardball Talk‘s partner FanDuel is hosting a one-day $40,000 Fantasy Baseball league for Wednesday night’s MLB games. It’s $25 to join and first prize is $6,000. Starts at 7:10pm ET on WednesdayHere’s the FanDuel link.

Twins 5, Padres 3: Kevin Correia allowed three runs over six innings. Correia, who is from Del Mar, said “It’s always nice to sleep in your own bed.” That’s the second “sleep in your own bed” quote I’ve seen from players visiting the Padres this year. I wonder if the Chamber of Commerce is offering payola to natives as a part of some “Come home to San Diego” campaign. Worth looking into. Anyway, the Twins have beat the Padres seven straight times, which is something to keep in mind when they inevitably meet in the World Series this year.

Rockies 5, Giants 4: Nolan Arenado hit a walkoff two-run double. Second walkoff in a row for Colorado. The Rockies are now two games behind the Giants in the West.

Angels 9, Astros 3: David Freese drove in four. Mike Trout drove in three, but left with a sore leg. He said after the game that it’s not serious, but that’s definitely worth watching.

White Sox 7, Royals 6: Adam Dunn hit a three-run homer and the Sox withstood the Royals’ late comeback attempt. Konerko hit a three-run homer the day before so, with Jose Abreu out, it’s like the platonic ideal of the 2011 White Sox have come out to play.

  1. janessa31888 - May 21, 2014 at 7:06 AM

    Good job, Trevor!! Its about time they gave him another chance. The Salazar experiment has been a disaster.
    For some unexplainable reason, the Tribe seems to be able to hit Justin Verlander. Its quite puzzling.

    • proudlycanadian - May 21, 2014 at 7:17 AM

      The season must be looking a bit better after a couple of wins.

      • janessa31888 - May 21, 2014 at 7:41 AM

        Beating the Tigers two games in a row is rather nice for this struggling team. We still have a LONG way to go to even be close to contention.

      • proudlycanadian - May 21, 2014 at 5:27 PM

        The Indians just won another on a walk off balk in extra innings.

    • tolbuck - May 21, 2014 at 7:19 AM

      The White Sox seem to hit him at a pretty good clip while the Twins don’t have an offensive drop off when they face him. I guess you have to face Verlander a lot to have success against him.

    • thetoolsofignorance - May 21, 2014 at 9:54 AM

      I am glad you’ve cheered up. To think, your happiness resides in the hands of Nick Swisher. its like knowing the creepy gym teacher is choosing the yearbook pictures.

    • proudlycanadian - May 21, 2014 at 4:01 PM

      After beating up Verlander, they have also beaten up Scherzer today – 9 all into extras. Must be eating the breakfast of champions.

  2. Kevin S. - May 21, 2014 at 7:07 AM

    On Teheran, he didn’t really have any high-stress innings. He only had one inning with more than 20 pitches, and the Brewers didn’t get a runner past second until the ninth inning, when the game was already in hand. I didn’t watch the game, so I don’t know if he was physically laboring, but this seems the sort of situation where a high pitch count in and of itself isn’t indicative of overworking the pitcher.

  3. proudlycanadian - May 21, 2014 at 7:15 AM

    A very interesting game between the Red Sox and the Jays that featured 2 left handed starting pitchers of dubious merit. Both Dubront and Happ did not go deep into the game. Of Toronto’s 11 hits, 4 were homers and 4 were doubles. The Red Sox had their chances as they had the tying run on base in both the 8th and 9th and failed to score. The key play in the game actually came in the 4th inning as Boston had the bases loaded with 1 out. Bogaerts hit a line drive to the left of Lawrie. He dove and knocked the ball down. He quickly got up, picked up the ball, ran to third for the force out and then threw out the slow moving David Ortiz at home. The Red Sox would probably have won the game if Lawrie had not made that play. A memorable night for rookie call up Rob Rasmussen. The first and only hitter he faced in his ML debut was David Ortiz. The young lefty got Ortiz to ground out to first. Dubront left the game with a sore shoulder. Too early to know if a DL stint is going to be required.

    • proudlycanadian - May 21, 2014 at 7:40 AM

      Edit function: “The Red Sox had the tying run at the plate in both the 8th and 9th innings”

    • paperlions - May 21, 2014 at 8:05 AM

      That Lawrie play was fantastic. I loved his crazed response afterwards (I really don’t understand why people think it is okay to get excited and to show it when you make a great defensive play but now when you make a great offensive play). Is the guy he high-fived on his way into the dugout scheduled for an MRI on his shoulder?

      • proudlycanadian - May 21, 2014 at 8:09 AM

        So far, there is no indication that a MRI will be needed.

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 9:56 AM

        Maybe not for the Jays, but there is a report this morning that Johnny Cuteo is reporting soreness in his kicking ankle.

      • thetoolsofignorance - May 21, 2014 at 10:01 AM

        You are correct. I just watched it and it is nothing short of amazing.

        http://fansided.com/2014/05/21/blue-jays-brett-lawrie-makes-great-leaping-throw-turn-double-play-gif/#!PhqWP

        pretty good presence of mind but his reflexes are simply otherworldly.

      • Shayna - May 21, 2014 at 1:39 PM

        I was watching at home and I literally yelped when I saw him make this play. Can’t understand why it isn’t the play of the day everywhere. #justiceforlawrie!

  4. nbjays - May 21, 2014 at 7:26 AM

    OK, hands up all you who picked the Cubs to be the first team to hand Tanaka a loss. Anyone? Bueller?

    I wonder how much of that was the old “even a blind squirrel find a nut every once in a while”, and how much was the Cubs being the first team to face him a second time. In the game summary on MLB, the Cubs talk about preparation and watching lots and lots of video and knowing what he throws now, while Tanaka says, I don’t agree, I just threw pitches where they were easy to hit… which is exactly what you’d expect both to say. It will be interesting as more teams get to face him a second and even third time, how they fare against him.

    That said, with the Yankee’s loss and the Jays’ homer-fest in Fenway last night, the two teams are tied for 2nd in the Al East, half a game back of the O’s and the newly-awakened bat of Crush Davis. Fun times ahead.

    Tonight at Fenway, a resurgent Drew Hutchison goes against a struggling Clay Buchholz. Both are sporting identical 2-3 records, but Buchholz’s ERA is 2.5 points higher than Hutch’s.

    • Kevin S. - May 21, 2014 at 7:46 AM

      Here’s the thing – it’s not like the Cubs hit Tanaka all that well. They nickle-and-dimed him to their four runs, with sacrifices, wild pitches and errors factoring in to the scoring. It wasn’t a great performance from Tanaka, but I wouldn’t call it “solving” him. The Cubs won that game because the Yanks couldn’t hit Jason Hammel. If they’d pummeled him for six or seven runs, we’d be talking about how Tanaka somehow finds a way to win despite not having his best stuff. It’s silly.

      • nbjays - May 21, 2014 at 8:03 AM

        It is silly, because pitchers don’t win or lose games on their own, as has been stated on this blog many times recently. That said, they did get 8 of their 11 hits off of Tanaka, and 3 of them were doubles. That’s nickel-and-diming? Yes, he threw 63 of his 88 pitches for strikes, but it looks like some were VERY hittable.

      • grumpyoleman - May 21, 2014 at 8:33 AM

        Don’t remember people ever claiming pitchers win or lose games on their own.

      • Kevin S. - May 21, 2014 at 8:36 AM

        Maybe nickel-and-diming it is understating what they did somewhat. In six innings, they struck out seven times, walked once, didn’t hit a homer. They did have eight hits, and they sequenced them well enough to get four runs out of them (three earned). But they certainly didn’t crush him. He still had a quality start, barely. That’s his worst start of the year. I’m not seeing this alone as evidence of “oh, second time a team sees him they’ll hit him.”

      • Francisco (FC) - May 21, 2014 at 9:23 AM

        Besides which, in the adjustment Wars the pitchers also make changes. It’s quite possible the Cubs will be flummoxed next time they see him. Considering how often clubs in Japan saw him, I don’t think all it takes is to face him twice. It’s also quite possible Tanaka was a little over-confident.

      • roundballsquarebox24 - May 21, 2014 at 9:35 AM

        I like Tanaka. But, while watching this game, it was obvious that the Cubs came with a gameplan yesterday. They executed, and it worked. They were not touching anything low. If it started near the knees, they would lay off. This led to a lot of strikeouts(7) , but this also led to Tanaka missing a lot (he did only walk one guy but he pitched behind in the count a lot), and it kind of eliminated his nasty split while forcing him to elevate the ball. That split of his is usually not a strike. They weren’t swinging at it. The reason that it is so filthy is because it breaks so late, and so much. I predict that for Tanaka to continue dominating the league, he NEEDS to be able to really command that low fastball for a STRIKE. Yesterday, the Cubs eliminated anything low, and jumped on everything high. They were also jumping on whatever first-pitch non-split he threw (fastball?, slider?). It worked because he didn’t seem to have good command of that low fastball for a strike. If hitters don’t know if it’s a low fastball at the knees, or that split that just dives down to their shins, then Tanaka will continue to dominate. But, if guys can lay off his low stuff and make him elevate the ball? Well, “real” offenses will take the Cubs’ approach, and then they WILL “crush” him.. Let’s hope Tanaka can make the necessary adjustments to the adjustments that the league is making to him. If he can, he will be a dominating force on the mound for years to come.

        P.S: It was also raining a lot, which could have had a lot to do with his location issues.

      • nbjays - May 21, 2014 at 10:23 AM

        @ grumpy

        I didn’t say people were claiming that pitchers win or lose games on their own, I said they were claiming otherwise.

      • nbjays - May 21, 2014 at 10:24 AM

        “He still had a quality start, barely.”

        I’m getting tired of hearing about quality starts because the textbook definition of “quality start” is total and utter BS.

        Look at the following examples cited by Joe Posnanski a few years back and tell me which were really quality starts:

        – In July 2000, Mark Mulder went 6 2/3 innings, gave up 15 hits and nine runs — but only two were earned and so that was a classified as a quality start.

        – In June 1997, Randy Johnson struck out 19 in a complete game but allowed 4 runs. That was not a quality start.

        – In July 1982, Mike Scott allowed seven hits and walked five in six innings, didn’t strike out anybody, gave up seven runs, but only three of those were earned. Quality start.

        – In April 1974, Gaylord Perry went 15 innings and allowed four runs. Not a quality start.

        Yep, that textbook definition of “six or more innings with 3 or fewer earned runs” sure tells you who pitched well, huh?

        Even more ludicrous is ESPN.com’s Statistics Glossary which a terms a loss suffered by a pitcher in a quality start as a Tough Loss and a win earned by a pitcher in a non-quality start a Cheap Win.

        Sources:
        http://joeposnanski.blogspot.com/2011/07/all-you-never-wanted-to-know-quality.html

        http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?page=stats/glossary

      • lazyhorse420 - May 21, 2014 at 11:09 AM

        Your analysis amazes me, Kevin S. Translated back without sarcasm: you know nothing about baseball

      • Kevin S. - May 21, 2014 at 11:20 AM

        Cute, lazyhorse. Why don’t you try and educate me? This should be hilarious.

    • renaado - May 21, 2014 at 9:43 AM

      Can’t believe the least expected team were the ones who halted his unbelievable 34 game win streak season datin back at 2012, that bein said, no one’s an iron giant in this game and expect the least expected.

      • dluxxx - May 21, 2014 at 9:50 AM

        Actually…. Giancarlo Stanton is nicknamed the “Iron Giant.” At least that’s what Old Gator calls him anyway…

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 9:59 AM

        And someone must be reading this blog because I have ackcherley heard him referred to by that nickname on local spawrts tawrk raydeeo. It has occurred to me from time to time to call in and use my net handle and see if I can pin down who is ackcherly bothering with us. Or maybe to give them an opportunity to offer me a half hour color slot after Feesh games that would appeal to the aphasic market.

      • renaado - May 21, 2014 at 10:01 AM

        !! Apologies Old Gator, still though, aside from Ma-kun as his nickname the Central league based Yomiuri Giants calls him that back when he’s still in Japan.

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 11:07 AM

        Aw, no apologies are needed. I suppose Ma-kun was preferable to Pikachu.

  5. goskinsvt - May 21, 2014 at 7:54 AM

    #DogFister

    • natstowngreg - May 21, 2014 at 10:44 AM

      That was the Doug Fister for whom the Nats traded.

      Had a WTF? moment last night. Got home, turned on the game, saw that the Nats were up 9-1. Over Johnny Cueto. Yes, Cueto’s ERA was unsustainable, but still…

      The really shocking thing about this series has been the Reds’ defensive failures. First quarter of the season, 13 errors. Last 2 nights, 6 errors.

      Seems one beat writer asked Matt Williams pre-game if Span was going to lead off. The clear implication being, why are you continuing to bat him leadoff when he can’t get on base?
      http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/nationals-journal/wp/2014/05/20/matt-williams-sticks-with-denard-span-as-nationals-leadoff-hitter/

      So, of course, Span got 5 hits. Span (who seems to hit only when the Nats win, or is it the other way around?), joins illustrious company as a Nat with a 5-hit game. Nook Logan, Cristian Guzman, Jesus Flores, Elijah Dukes, Ian Desmond. (Courtesy Mark Zuckerman of Comcast Sports Net.)

      • wvufan82 - May 21, 2014 at 10:54 AM

        I would say their defense won the game for them the previous night though. Two robberies to hold off walk off hits isn’t exactly bad defense…

        Cueto also looks like the type that gets rattled when someone actually gets on base. He hit at least 2 last night with fastballs trying to go up and in…

      • dluxxx - May 21, 2014 at 11:53 AM

        Two of those name I recognize as Ex-Twins. Guzman and Span.

      • strictlythedanks - May 21, 2014 at 7:50 PM

        guuuuuuuuuzzzzzzzman, awesome twin

  6. rbj1 - May 21, 2014 at 8:42 AM

    I’m blaming the rain for Tanaka’s loss. Storm system blew through Toledo later on. Got about 2 hours sleep dealing with a stressed out Min-Pin.

    • renaado - May 21, 2014 at 9:51 AM

      Somewhat agreed with this, back at the 2013 game 7 Japan series top of the 9th where his closin, Tanaka is certainly havin trouble grippin the ball with that kind of weather.

    • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 10:00 AM

      Is Min-Phin the name of your Shi Tzu?

  7. mckludge - May 21, 2014 at 8:43 AM

    You “seduce” ground balls with poetry

    Oh! Dear ground ball with eyes of blue
    Please let me make my outs with you
    The happiest kind of DP
    Are those that read “1-4-3″

    • ptfu - May 21, 2014 at 9:22 AM

      A gift basket with rubbing mud couldn’t hurt either.

  8. scoutsaysweitersisabust - May 21, 2014 at 8:57 AM

    Davis told a team reporter right after practice that he “fixed” his swing. Not sure how much of it has to do with the oblique, but if he is right, then he’s about to activate beast mode.

    • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 10:02 AM

      Eggselent. Davis in beast mode is very good for the game. Plus, my son, who lives in the Baltimore area and bleeds Orioles yellowish-brown despite everything I taught him about designatedhitterball is delirious this morning. He feels strongly that Davis went to see Godzilla over the weekend and was inspired thereby.

      • nbjays - May 21, 2014 at 10:26 AM

        Easy for you to say, Gator. You don’t have a dog in the AL East fight.

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 10:58 AM

        My dogs are lovers, not fighters.

  9. umrguy42 - May 21, 2014 at 8:59 AM

    As a Cards fan, I’ve been appreciating Waino since like, strike 3 against Beltran in the 2006 NLCS :p

    • cohnjusack - May 21, 2014 at 10:22 AM

      I have appreciated him virtually every moment except for one:

      http://d3j5vwomefv46c.cloudfront.net/photos/large/817150842.gif?1382576425

  10. dluxxx - May 21, 2014 at 9:43 AM

    Twins with a nice 5-3 win. I went to bed right after they went up 4-3, but was pretty confident they’d finish off the win.

    Speaking of beds, I think the Twins would be best served bringing Correa’s bed back with them. Heck, it’d probably be worth the investment to send it on road trips so he can sleep it in before his starts too.

    • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 10:04 AM

      He’d be even better orf if they would organize a little strange for him as long as they’re going to lug the damned thing around.

      • dluxxx - May 21, 2014 at 10:28 AM

        If he can’t pull his own strange at this point in his career, then there really isn’t any hope for the guy to be honest.

        But then again, my fiancé seems to think he looks like a fish, so maybe you’re on to something there…

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 11:10 AM

        You don’t carry your bags in the show. Someone carries them for you. Based on this principle, you damned well ought to have someone to organize your strange for you too.

      • dluxxx - May 21, 2014 at 11:55 AM

        So does he bag his own bags too? Or does someone else do that? I’m starting to get confused.

    • happytwinsfan - May 21, 2014 at 10:28 AM

      It’d be even better if they could bring along the lowest scoring team in the majors for him to pitch against each start.

      Sorry, I was just drooling over Meyer’s and May’s numbers at AAA.

      Yes, it was a nice win and I was asleep from about the sixth through the eighth but was awake for the ninth. Glad tonight’s game starts at 8 instead of 9. Doggone coastal mutant time zone.

  11. thetoolsofignorance - May 21, 2014 at 10:05 AM

    I still can’t believe how much time Becket wastes. I fell asleep during this game. He’s a rain delay, a fan interference, and a manager argument all rolled into on inning. At least the color blue came out on the right side of the ledger.

    • nbjays - May 21, 2014 at 10:28 AM

      Don’t forget a call review on a manager challenge.

    • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 10:36 AM

      What are you talking about? Beckett is the only intelligent man in England! And he’s against me!

      • thetoolsofignorance - May 21, 2014 at 10:39 AM

        Oh yes? well watching him pitch all i could think was “It is here now, the supreme folly, this is its hour”.

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 10:51 AM

        No, sorry, Macondo owns that one. It relates to the purchase of the horrifyingly usurious construction bonds used to finance Macondo Banana Massacre Field whose payment is going to bankrupt the city in about fourteen years or so. But you can keep “Let us away, knights; this fellow will arise no more!”

      • nbjays - May 21, 2014 at 1:43 PM

        And THERE’S your solution in Macondo, Gator…

        “Will no one rid me of this turbulent owner?”

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 3:29 PM

        If someone would only do that for me, I would drink happily and roll around in vomit and oblivion.

  12. gmfw7 - May 21, 2014 at 10:32 AM

    burnett wasn’t shaky last night. he ended up giving up two runs in the first on 34 pitches because the umpire was awful. burnett absolutely painted the outside corner with two seemers against 2 right handed batters with 2 strikes and didn’t get the call. both at bats led to walks. and then a weekly hit groundball and a jam shot pop up fell in for a hit. if the ump makes the right calls he has half the amount of pitches in the 1st, and probably ends up going 7 innings with 1 ER. papelbon gave up a shallow pop up for a run as well. for what it’s worth, the ump was equally as bad calling balls and strikes for the marlins pitchers, so i’m not saying it was one sided in that regard, but he really made burnett’s night tougher than it should have been with that mess in the 1st.

    • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 10:44 AM

      AJ also walked in a run in the first. But yeah, the B&S calling by Will Little (didn’t he ride with Robin Hood at some point?) was terrible throughout the game. Mike Redmond – who is getting fat, by the way, probably from nervous eating – got hisself ejected later in the game, not so much for arguing the calls as for doing a terrible Earl Weaver impersonation, even by Gong Show standards, that didn’t get any dirt on the umpire’s shoetops.

      • dluxxx - May 21, 2014 at 11:46 AM

        You’re confusing Will Scarlet and Little John. Unless they had a love child that is.

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 12:32 PM

        It looks like a ten month labor if it’s in Arkansas.

  13. Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 10:33 AM

    My lawyer took me to see the Feesh remain mired in road mode last night. I only go to Macondo Banana Massacre Field when someone has bought tickets anyway, since I have no interest in lining Scrooge McLoria’s pockets any further than I already do with my property taxes.

    As the moon over Macondo set in the silver sea this morning the Feesh were splayed in a low heap across the upper surface of the strange attractor, entangled in gossamer reality waves, where they struggle to keep from sinking of their own ineptitude to the attractor’s underside where the reality waves are less gossamer than thick as halyards. Prospect Desclafia had that deerfeesh-in-the-headlights look about him as he beheld the spectacle of all those empty blue seats gazing down upon him like a wall of grape flavor candy coated chocolate bunnies with their eyes eaten out, going six and a third while giving up four earned runs and leaving one inherited runner on base. I guess Mike Redmond calculated that a one-run deficit with one out in the sixth was so insurmountable that it merited no more than a mop-up response, so he sent out designated self-immolation specialist Brad Hand to plate that run and give up a few more hits and a run of his own. No better situation than the late middle of a tight game to see if a peetcher who has been excremental all season has suddenly figured everything out, eh, Mike? Anyway, that was all the Feelies needed.

    It should have been worse. The Feesh outfielders miraculously committed no errors but they played the entire game as if they were gazing into an alternative universe which was just a foot or two displaced from flush with this one; the Iron Giant nearly overran one fly ball and nearly underran another; Christian Yelich didn’t quite get to a foul pop down the leftfield line after a late start and if you watched carefully you could see it angle away from his glove as though coated with the anti-tannin equivalent of Ray Milland’s wood repellent from It Happens Every Spring. The Feesh infielders came up short on two double plays, too, apparently trying to accelerate moderately slow grounders towards them psychokinetically instead of risking their racehorse ankles by ackcherly running towards the ball. After all, no one wants to see a second baseman euthanized on the field, not even hockey or NASCAR fans.

    Let us resist – albeit belatedly, perhaps – the impulse to be cynical and chalk it up to jet lag. Tomorrow, as Scarlett O’Hara is fond of reminding us, is another.

    • thetoolsofignorance - May 21, 2014 at 10:46 AM

      I am in awe. A couple of questions if you will indulge an old man with time on his hands this AM,

      1) What is a “strange attractor”?
      2) Are you William Gibson?

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 10:56 AM

        1.) Strange attractor: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attractor This should be self-explanatory, though it is a bit late in appending the baseball meaning to its disambiguation link. IE, .500.

        2.) No, but I do have a skull jack with nothing to plug into it. I also wanted to name our enormous retriever / lab / diplodocus mix “Slamhound,” but my wife insisted on “Sir Humphrey.”

      • thetoolsofignorance - May 21, 2014 at 11:11 AM

        I do not understand that and will not pretend to but I think you mean “The Feesh” are attracted to a state of break even baseball by forces that defy understanding and create a need in otherwise sane and normal people to make up theories which they then post to wikipedia in the hopes of confusing others more than they themselves are confused. if so, mission accomplished

        When I met my wife, long ago in the never never, she had a sheltie. An unneutered male named “Bones McCoy”. She named him that because he liked to bone anything he could get his forelegs around and shelties are nominally Scottish. He passed on many years ago but still comes up in family conversations regularly as he created as much calamity as a herd of pedigree bulls loose in a cow harem. In retrospect “Slamhound” would have suited him as well as Bones McCoy

      • clydeserra - May 21, 2014 at 11:07 AM

      • thetoolsofignorance - May 21, 2014 at 11:12 AM

        lol

      • dluxxx - May 21, 2014 at 11:42 AM

        That’s okay, I always read Gator’s posts as if he were Thomas Pynchon. Challenging, convoluted, and after finishing it, I always wonder if he’s just messing with us.

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 1:00 PM

        Speaking of Pynchon, my favorite genus of old world vipers, which includes the delightful long-fanged fellowship of lancehead and toadhead vipers, is Bothrops. I just have a thing for the sensuality of scientific names, despite the power mad Linnaean types who keep switching them around. In this case, I am quite certain that I love the name because it reminds me of Slothrop, whose banana pancake recipe is a staple of our weekend brunch table.

      • Shayna - May 21, 2014 at 1:58 PM

        Speaking of remarkable names, I am delighted by the new Texas Ranger, Rougned Odor. I am continually astounded by the nominal originality of those who make it to the show. Among the Blue Jays, I will cherish Rance Mulliniks (I understand the surname is a Cajun version of Molyneux) and in the larger game, I would have voted Oddibe McDowell into the All-Star game for the sheer pleasure of hearing him announced. Jurrickson Profar! Yonder Alonso! Where do these names come from?

      • thetoolsofignorance - May 21, 2014 at 7:33 PM

        Have you seen “The Feesh’s” Arquímedes Euclides Caminero? That’s one of the all time greats handles.

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 3:32 PM

        Peaking of Rance Mullinicks, the scientific name of the Malayan pond turtle is Siebenrockiella crassicollis. Nifty, eh? And not all that far removed from Jarrod Saltalamacchia, either.

  14. APBA Guy - May 21, 2014 at 11:49 AM

    OG is in fine form this morning, I believe he has been rejuvenated since certain cretins were banished from the realm.

    Jed Lowrie has been injured for two games and nobody has noticed. This can’t be good for him in his walk year, but is good for the A’s as the Lowrie/Punto combination at short has improved a problem area for them from last year, that of high quality defense at short. Now, as Brian pointed out over the weekend, the G & P Beane needs to work on a solution at 2nd.

    Speaking of defense, Tampa makes its living on pitching and defense, but has forgotten their offense, exemplified by Jennings grounding into two identical double plays as he rolled over on outside pitches.

    Pomeranz is the latest Curt Young project to pay off. Expect him to start to stretch beyond 5 innings in June.

    And now, words that 5 years ago I never thought I would say:

    The A’s have the 2nd best record in baseball, behind only Detroit.

    • dluxxx - May 21, 2014 at 12:05 PM

      Glad to see the OG lighting up the boards again. Of course, it could have something do to with his visit to the Machando Banana Massacre Field too. Perhaps it’s his muse.

      Or this is:
      http://miamiherald.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451b26169e201539224b996970b-pi

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 12:45 PM

        It’s just that the season is well underway and there’s lots of great stuff happening every day to work with. But yeah, the pooperscooping of “certain cretins” has eliminated trivial distractions somewhat. They have dwindled into thumbs and will continue to shrink as they lose interest in their own irrelevance. FYI Tools, the strange attractor debuted here over three full years ago after I went on a green tea-fueled binge of reading David Gleick, Katherine Hayles and Benoit Mandelbrot’s autobiography, The Fractalist (great book by a great maverick scientist).

      • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 12:51 PM

        PS – always wonderful to see William Gibson mentioned. He’s one of my literary idols – I met him about twenty years ago when he delivered a talk in London. He’s a very funny, very hip guy with no pretenses, but much of that comes from emigrating to Vancouver for love.

        BTW did you know that he ackcherly wrote a screenplay for one of the Alien movies but the producers thought it would be too weird to sell to their investors? Seriously. Lookie here: http://www.blastr.com/2013-3-27/read-neuromancer-author-william-gibsons-unused-alien-3-script

  15. MisterJ167 - May 21, 2014 at 12:46 PM

    Thankfully for Iwakuma, seducing grounders was only recently legalized in Texas.

    • Old Gator - May 21, 2014 at 12:52 PM

      Rick Perry must have been away on one of his delusional atavistic tub-thumping presidential campaign swings when that happened.

  16. kyzslew77 - May 21, 2014 at 12:56 PM

    Yes, that’s right, rest of the NL West. Just keep thinking the Rockies are bound to go away eventually. Keep right on making that assumption.

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