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In spring training Miguel Olivo actually said he wanted to be a boxer “like Mike Tyson, but without biting an ear”

May 22, 2014, 8:23 AM EDT

Sometimes the world is just too perfect. I mean, it really sucks for Alex Guerrero, but for the rest of us it’s pretty perfect. I’m talking about this interview — pointed out to the English-speaking baseball world by Eric Stephen of True Blue LA — in which catcher/cannibal Miguel Olivo said that if he weren’t a baseball player that he would’ve been a boxer. “Like Mike Tyson, but without the ear biting.”

 

There are no accidents, people.

In other news, the Dodgers have suspended Olivo pending an investigation of the ear-biting thing. Which, OK, investigate all you’d like but I’m pretty sure he bit a part of Alex Guerrero’s ear off and that that was bad. Why you don’t just release the journeyman catcher on veteran minimum deal for assaulting/eating your prize infield prospect I’m not sure.

But then again, Dodgers GM Ned Colletti did say the other night that Olivo’s attack of Guerrero was “not constructive,” — yes, he really said that — so I sorta feel like maybe they haven’t really grokked the seriousness of it all. Not preparing for a meeting is “not constructive.” Biting someone’s ear off is something  . . . more.

  1. nbjays - May 22, 2014 at 8:28 AM

    Instead, he’s an ear biter, Like Mike Tyson… but without the boxing.

  2. dawgpoundmember - May 22, 2014 at 8:37 AM

    I imagine he is only suspended for now because they are trying to figure out a way to cut him without have to pay the rest of his salary.

  3. roundballsquarebox24 - May 22, 2014 at 8:38 AM

    Just for clarification, Olivo didn’t just outright say “Like Mike Tyson, but without biting an ear”. When the reporter asked him what he would’ve been had he not been a ball player, he said a boxer. When he asked him “Like who?”, Olivo said Mike Tyson. Then, the reporter asked him “but without the ear biting, right?” That is when Olivo said “yes, without the ear biting”. Not that this little detail makes a difference in the irony of this interview, but just a little clarification.

  4. thetoolsofignorance - May 22, 2014 at 8:51 AM

    He bit the ear off a another person. It is not like he can just come out and say “oops. Sorry. My bad. Total accident”. Can his arse and let Guerrero have him charged with assault. I don’t get what The Dodgers are waiting for.

    • paperlions - May 22, 2014 at 8:57 AM

      This man needs to be tested for PEDs. We have evidence that too many steroids can turn you into a vampire, has anyone looked in his closet to see if there are any ochre sweaters?

      • thetoolsofignorance - May 22, 2014 at 8:59 AM

        well this sounds amusing. PEDs and vampires and sweaters in earth tones? Whatever is this about?

      • paperlions - May 22, 2014 at 9:14 AM

        http://nbchardballtalk.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/sammy-sosa.jpg?w=181

      • thetoolsofignorance - May 22, 2014 at 9:56 AM

        Grown up Fred Munster? Ernie of Ernie and Burt without his vertical stripes? a cast member of The Living Dead in full undead makeup? its not…not…Sammy Sosa??? did he lose a lot of blood or something? He looks so pale

      • stlouis1baseball - May 22, 2014 at 10:11 AM

        Great point Paper. But the word on the street is…
        Taking PED’s doesn’t allow you to bite people more accurately or for longer periods of time.
        In fact, it doesn’t allow you to bite people any better than the next vampire.
        It just allows you to recove more quickly from bloodborne pathogens.

      • nbjays - May 22, 2014 at 10:42 AM

        PEDs? Is bath salts a PED?

      • temporarilyexiled - May 22, 2014 at 2:36 PM

        Corked vampire bats?

      • paperlions - May 22, 2014 at 2:49 PM

        That is sooooooo bad (and funny).

        You are now permanently exiled.

  5. ningenito78 - May 22, 2014 at 9:12 AM

    “Assaulting/eating your top infield prospect” made me laugh out loud.

  6. Detroit Michael - May 22, 2014 at 9:22 AM

    Loved the “catcher/cannibal” position designation.

    FYI, you might want to edit the spelling of Olivo’s name in the headline.

  7. yahmule - May 22, 2014 at 9:45 AM

    Glad he didn’t reference Tyson’s sexual assaults.

    • cohnjusack - May 22, 2014 at 10:09 AM

      Yeah…though more famous, biting off Holyfield’s ear really isn’t very close to the worst thing that guy has done.

  8. zdravit - May 22, 2014 at 1:14 PM

    Dafuq are they trying to say? Speak American.

  9. musketmaniac - May 22, 2014 at 2:14 PM

    Mike Tyson was overrated, maybe not in the video game, but in the real ring he was really good against the weakest Heavyweight division of all times.

  10. musketmaniac - May 22, 2014 at 8:20 PM

    If you ever get the chance watch either of his two fights with Donovan Razor Ruddock. classics brutal classics. Ruddock fought with a broken wrist and cracked ribs the 2cd fight, and Tyson would have needed a baseball bat and the fight to go 20 rounds to knock Ruddock out.

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