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A Washington Nationals radio guy explains how, when you die, your cat will eat you.

Jul 4, 2014, 11:24 AM EDT

Kitty

A couple of weeks ago Marty Brennaman really brought us down when he took a sharp, serious turn during a broadcast and explained to us all that his greatest fear was dying alone in a hotel room. On Wednesday, Nationals radio guy Phil Wood decided that he needed to get real too.

During the rain delay the subject of dogs vs. cats came up. Wood explained why he’d go with a dog:

“Well, I became more of a dog person when I read that, if you have a cat, and you die, your cat will eventually eat you. So, it’s just their nature, apparently . . . so, again, if that helps you make up your mind at all, on whether or not you’re a dog or a cat person . . .”

His co-hosts, Charlie Slowes and Dave Jageler, were somewhat stunned. Jageler said “well, thanks for that.”

In other news, I’m beginning to think that the job of baseball radio guy is a really, really lonely one.

Listen to the macabre exchange here. If you need me, I’ll be off filling my cat’s bowl with 100 pounds of cat food in case I take a nasty slip and fall before my kids are back home on Monday.

  1. tfbuckfutter - Jul 4, 2014 at 11:26 AM

    When I stay in bed too long one of my cats starts chewing on my ears.

    I always assumed it was because she wanted me out of her daytime spot, but maybe that a-hole is just assuming I’m dead and they start with the ears.

    • chinahand11 - Jul 4, 2014 at 1:34 PM

      Tbuck, many a time I have awakened with a cat’s nose about an inch from mine, her staring right in my eyes when I open them. Just checking, I suppose. Creepy.

  2. groupofsevenrules - Jul 4, 2014 at 11:35 AM

    Wood is apparently not acquainted with the old mob euphemism for a recently whacked shy: “He’s in da alley feedin’ da dawgs.”

    But if Wood wants to get really well versed in this subject, he should know that when a lion bags a human, they often merely content themselves with using their incredibly tough, raspy tongues to lick their victim’s skin off.

    Of course, he’d need a really, really big car to die in….

    • karlkolchak - Jul 4, 2014 at 3:35 PM

      Feeding ‘em to the pigs is much more efficient.

      • baberuthslegs - Jul 4, 2014 at 4:42 PM

        Deadwood.

      • Old Gator - Jul 4, 2014 at 11:15 PM

        Hannibal.

  3. mikhelb - Jul 4, 2014 at 11:37 AM

    hahahaha freaky

  4. renaado - Jul 4, 2014 at 11:43 AM

    What are dogs gonna do? Bury us?

    • sumerduckman - Jul 4, 2014 at 11:56 AM

      Alert the cat.

    • billybawl - Jul 4, 2014 at 12:36 PM

      The dogs I’ve known would bring their food bowl to my dead corpse, and stare at me. Or keep dropping their ball at my stiff feet for a game of fetch. God bless ‘em.

    • Old Gator - Jul 4, 2014 at 2:00 PM

      Dog wouldn’t, but if you’ve ever had the misfortune of playing in an outdoor sandbox, you know that cats would.

  5. happytwinsfan - Jul 4, 2014 at 12:26 PM

    Mr Wood needs to be shown the wondrous founts of information available on the internets.

    http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2011/07/would_your_dog_eat_your_dead_body.html

  6. ripwarrior - Jul 4, 2014 at 12:30 PM

    Hamsters eat their own babies

    • chinahand11 - Jul 4, 2014 at 1:31 PM

      Ugh! You had to say that. The visual I got made me flinch.

      • Old Gator - Jul 4, 2014 at 2:01 PM

        Here’s redemption: my pet python eats hamsters.

      • chinahand11 - Jul 4, 2014 at 2:18 PM

        Well they should. Evil little hamsters running in their wheels and plotting…

  7. 1998yanks - Jul 4, 2014 at 12:47 PM

    These comments are friggin hilarious! My dog would do the same thing.

    • chinahand11 - Jul 4, 2014 at 6:15 PM

      If I had a dog he would probably hike its leg on me. This has to be the funniest thread in a while.

  8. barrywhererufrom - Jul 4, 2014 at 1:12 PM

    Damn I didn’t know which way to go on this issue but the idea of my cat eating my face..has changed everything.. Anyone want a Norweigan Forest Cat?

  9. eagles512 - Jul 4, 2014 at 1:32 PM

    Cats suck. Sneaky and unfriendly.

    • barrywhererufrom - Jul 4, 2014 at 2:57 PM

      Sounds like my ex wife

    • stlouis1baseball - Jul 7, 2014 at 11:55 AM

      No…you suck Eagles. And for that matter…I have a feeling you are sneaky and unfriendly.
      I like cats and dogs. But my cat is definitely…my cat. The Wife and kids will tell you the same thing. He fetches. He comes to me when I call him. He follows me around the house until I sit down when I get home in the evenings. He bitches when I am gone for more than a couple of days. He fetches. We can go on vacation and return to house that is not ransacked. No one has to check on him while we are gone. He fetches. He jumps on me when I call him (like a dog).
      He fetches.
      He is more like a dog…then most dogs I know. Only he smells a lot better.
      Did I mention that he fetches? He fetches!

  10. chinahand11 - Jul 4, 2014 at 1:32 PM

    Well, I for one HOPE my cats eat me if I croak at home. I mean, who’s gonna get their Friskies. They’ll be pissed!

    • nothanksimdriving123 - Jul 4, 2014 at 5:07 PM

      If you die and lay there with no humans dropping by to inquire of your welfare for a long enough period that your organs are no longer suitable for transplant, well then, your body will no longer be of any value at all to anyone (especially you) so if your cat or dog can make use of it for sustenance, well, good on them. If you never took the time to teach them how to use a can opener, well, it’s your own bloody fault then, isn’t it?

      • chinahand11 - Jul 4, 2014 at 6:13 PM

        Got me on that. I’m a poor kitty servant.

  11. drsteller - Jul 4, 2014 at 2:17 PM

    News flash: Absent other things to eat, your dog will eat you, too,

    • chinahand11 - Jul 4, 2014 at 6:24 PM

      When I was a kid, there was a guy who lived on a mountain in Kentucky, old dude made elderberry wine and grew weed. He would run a bunch dogs around the mountain, drunk and high. He died in his cabin, in his seventies, with the dogs locked in with him. Guess what happened? Wasn’t pretty, I heard. The deputies executed the dogs, too.

    • stlouis1baseball - Jul 7, 2014 at 11:57 AM

      I was waiting for someone to point out the obvious Dr. Stellar.
      In this case…it apparently truly was required.

  12. strictlythedanks - Jul 4, 2014 at 2:50 PM

    I have heard of dogs amputating limbs of diabetic people in their sleep if the limb is infected. There’s a bedtime story for the kids…

  13. thebadguyswon - Jul 4, 2014 at 2:52 PM

    Now I know why my cat, Jake, watches me so much. It must be my ample thighs.

  14. kiwicricket - Jul 4, 2014 at 4:17 PM

    Still more interesting than anything F.P regurgitates

  15. mybrunoblog - Jul 4, 2014 at 4:18 PM

    Two can play this game. If I was starving I’d eat the cat. Damn, I like Chinese food so maybe I already have.

  16. courtjester1234 - Jul 4, 2014 at 4:47 PM

    I believe real sports fans are dog fans as well. A little show of hands with thumbs up for dogs and thumbs down for cats

  17. kiwicricket - Jul 4, 2014 at 4:58 PM

    Rub the cats ass all over your face and body. It will remember this! Problem solved.

    • chinahand11 - Jul 4, 2014 at 6:18 PM

      This is really making my 4th with all these comments. I’m laughing my butt off. I have awakened in the middle of the night with my cat Robin trying to plant her ass on my face. And she’s making that weird purr that she makes when she’s in love or something.

      • courtjester1234 - Jul 4, 2014 at 7:21 PM

        Or something?!?

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