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Greg Maddux made a fart joke in his Hall of Fame speech yesterday

Jul 28, 2014, 11:35 AM EDT

Greg Maddux

Greg Maddux was the best pitcher I’ve ever seen. He may also be the world’s oldest 12-year-old boy. From his Hall of Fame speech yesterday:

My brother, Mike, led by example. Everything I was about to do on and off the field, he had already done. I was very fortunate to have a brother that I could learn from. He even taught me a little bit about science. It has to do with a little methane and a lighter, and I still get a huge kick out of it today. That’s funny, huh. OK.

I am gonna guess that is the first Hall of Fame speech with a fart joke in it in the history of the institution.

Not that this is new for Maddux. His locker room antics have been talked about for years. I imagine there are a lot of dudes like him in baseball. There just aren’t a lot who have won over 350 games and have four Cy Youngs.

UPDATE: I just read that and I fear I came off judgmental or something (crazy for me, I know). To be clear: I find this to be wonderful. I have a nine-year-old son and there is something amazing about a well-crafted fart joke. And I am always — always! — in favor of someone introducing some humor, levity and occasional immaturity into proceedings everyone else treats like church. That goes for baseball games, locker rooms and especially the Hall of Fame.

  1. crillbill - Jul 28, 2014 at 11:44 AM

    As long as it’s not a steroid joke at the Hall. Those go over like a fart in church.

  2. shawnuel - Jul 28, 2014 at 11:46 AM

    He was inspired by Cliff Lee.

  3. mgv38 - Jul 28, 2014 at 11:52 AM

    ” Kids love farts, don’t they? Even today, with all the drugs and sex and violence you hear about on TV, they still get a kick, such as we used to, out of a fart. Maybe the world hasn’t changed so much after all. It would be nice to think there were still a few eternal verities around. I hate to think of the day, when you say to an American kid, “Hey, want to smell a great fart?” and he looks at you as though you’re crazy. “A great what ? ““Fart. Don’t you even know what a fart is? ““Sure it’s a game—you throw one at a target. You get points.” “That’s a dart, dope. A fart. A bunch of kids sit around in a crowded place and they fart. Break wind. Sure, you can make it into a game and give points. So much for a wet fart, so much for a series, and so on. And penal-ties if you draw mud, as we called it in those days. But the great thing was, you could do it just for the fun of it. By God, we could fart for hours when we were boys! Somebody’s front porch on a warm summer night, in the road, on our way to school. Why, we could sit around a blacksmith’s shop on a rainy day doing nothing but farting, and be perfectly content. No movies in those days. No television. No nothin’. I don’t believe the whole bunch of us taken together ever had more than a nickel at any time, and yet we were never bored, never had to go around looking for excitement or getting into trouble. Best thing was you could do it yourself too. Yessir, boy knew how to make use of his leisure time in those days.”

    Surprising, given the impact of the fart on the life of the American boy, how little you still hear about it; from all appearances it is still something they’d rather skip over in The Canterbury Tales at Valhalla High. On the other hand, that may be a blessing in disguise; this way’ at least no moneyman or politician has gotten it into his head yet to cash in on its nostalgic appeal. Because when that happens, you can kiss the fart good-bye. They will cheapen and degrade it until it is on a level with Mom’s apple pie and our flag. Mark my words: as soon as some scoundrel discovers there is a profit to be made off of the American kid’s love of the fart, they will be selling artificial farts in balloons at the circus. And you can just imagine what they’ll smell like too. Like everything artificial.”

  4. Hard On For Harden - Jul 28, 2014 at 11:56 AM

    Ten years ago while in high school some friends and I attended an Astros-Cubs four game series in May. This was the season the Astros added Clemens and Pettitte while the Cubs added Maddux. We were standing by the gas pump in CF and heckling the Cubs during BP (we were in high school so it was ok). We stopped for a couple minutes until we felt a baseball hit the railing. We looked down and saw Maddux staring back with an emotionless expression. He simply said “Oops, I missed.” Good stuff.

  5. jarathen - Jul 28, 2014 at 11:56 AM

    I’m surprised he didn’t surreptitiously pee on anyone’s leg.

    • tbird05 - Jul 28, 2014 at 12:14 PM

      That may be my favorite story…of course I was never on the receiving end of that joke.

  6. blacksables - Jul 28, 2014 at 12:09 PM

    So we applaud them for acting like immature ninth graders off the field, but when they act like immature ninth graders on the field, we crucify them?

    Got it now.

    • Craig Calcaterra - Jul 28, 2014 at 12:16 PM

      I usually applaud them for having fun on the field too. And then I’m told I’m wrong for that.

    • thisdamnbox - Jul 28, 2014 at 2:03 PM

      Knock, knock.
      Who’s there?
      Interrupting a$$hole.
      Interrupting a$$hole wh…
      Pherrrrrrrrrt…

      • thisdamnbox - Jul 28, 2014 at 2:05 PM

        P.S. That was for BlackSables, not Craig…Why so serious? All the time?

    • jfk69 - Jul 28, 2014 at 10:14 PM

      At the end of the day they are still playing a game…… albeit a little older.

  7. tbird05 - Jul 28, 2014 at 12:19 PM

    What can be said about Greg Maddux? Well, he is perhaps the most accurate pitcher in the history of the game, he is wildly inappropriate in the locker room, likes to piss on rookies, is pretty good at golf, is the first guy to reference fart bombs during his HOF speach, and….oh yeah, the guy is a speed reader. Could be seen reading an entire book during a game. Really? Speed reader? Yeah, I know, it fits in really well with all the other stuff. To be honest, he might be the dorkiest athlete in the world.

    I really wish I could be his friend…I want to be just like him when I never grow up. I guess this qualifies as a man crush.

  8. barrywhererufrom - Jul 28, 2014 at 12:21 PM

    I heard from a wise man that farts never go away we just get used to them..

  9. scrot7 - Jul 28, 2014 at 12:37 PM

    I farted while reading this. It smelled like Mrs. Doubtfire’s rectum.

  10. psuorioles - Jul 28, 2014 at 12:55 PM

    I’m still cracking up from the Cliff Lee interview… in tears every time I watch it. Didn’t realize Maddux was such a jokester, I’m not a bigger fan of him.

    • psuorioles - Jul 28, 2014 at 1:11 PM

      *EDIT: I’m NOW a bigger fan

  11. MisterJ167 - Jul 28, 2014 at 4:07 PM

    The Spleen would be proud

  12. shyts7 - Jul 28, 2014 at 4:38 PM

    How can you not love Maddux. He is arguably the greatest pitcher of the last 30 years and won 4 Cy Young’s and 350 games with a fastball that topped out at around the high 80’s. His locker room jokester antics just add to the mystique.

  13. djjeffhall - Jul 29, 2014 at 5:07 AM

    The real question isn’t would Greg Maddux make a fart joke but did he thank Dick Pole?

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