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Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles: Adam Dunn pitched last night.

Aug 6, 2014, 8:55 AM EDT

source: Getty Images

If, before last night, I had found a genie in a bottle who granted me three wishes, I would have at least considered using one of them to see Adam Dunn pitch. I mean, once you’re rich and have ensured long and healthy lives for yourself and your family, what better is there to do with the third one? World peace? Eh, let the next guy wish for that one. I wanna see the Big Donkey take the hill.

Well, I got my wish last night:

Not gonna lie: I’ve seen big bulky relievers with worse-looking mechanics than Dunner here. He was a college quarterback, after all, and football-throwing skills do transfer. Maybe not 100% cleanly after 15 years and a lot of beers and T-bone steaks like Dunn has likely seen come and go, but muscle memory can be pretty useful.

The line, alas, was not so great: one inning pitched, two hits, a walk and an earned run. But (a) he was more effective than the White Sox pitchers who gave the Rangers a 15-0 lead before he came in; and (b) he looked mighty damn fine doing it.

  1. johnnysoda - Aug 6, 2014 at 8:57 AM

    I’ve always found it funny how, in these blow-out games, winning teams never let their position players pitch. What, are they afraid they’ll blow a fifteen run lead?

    • Paper Lions - Aug 6, 2014 at 9:10 AM

      No, they’re afraid they’ll tear their ACL or rotator cuff.

      • johnnysoda - Aug 6, 2014 at 9:45 AM

        One could easily say the same thing about position players pitching for the losers.

      • scoutsaysweitersisabust - Aug 6, 2014 at 10:45 AM

        Yea, but the losers usually only do so out of grave necessity. There really should be a forfeit rule in baseball. At some point, just send everyone home and call it a day.

      • SocraticGadfly - Aug 6, 2014 at 6:56 PM

        Besides, Adam Dunn, you’re no Stan Musial!

    • someguyinva - Aug 6, 2014 at 9:13 AM

      I think in the unwritten rules, that would fall under the umbrella of “Showing Up The Other Team”. You’re basically saying, “You guys can’t hit our real pitchers, so here, try hitting one of our position players.”

    • Bob Loblaw - Aug 6, 2014 at 9:34 AM

      Didn’t pitching basically end Canseco’s career?

      • moondog440 - Aug 6, 2014 at 11:55 AM

        I’m pretty sure being Canseco ended Canseco’s career…

      • SocraticGadfly - Aug 6, 2014 at 6:56 PM

        Soccer-heading that home run, maybe?

    • frank433 - Aug 6, 2014 at 10:57 AM

      I think it’s more about bullpen usage. The losing team likely has went through a lot more pitchers up to this point due to ineffectiveness. The team that is winning probably had their starter go 6 or 7 innings. They have the “middle relief” that they can have pitch a few innings to get in work.

    • raysfan1 - Aug 6, 2014 at 1:28 PM

      The winning side generally hasn’t used multiple relievers already. In this case the Rangers starter notched a complete game shut out on 110 pitches.

    • Bryz - Aug 6, 2014 at 6:28 PM

      Also, the White Sox burned their bullpen on Sunday when the Twins scored 16 runs on them. Sure, there was Monday in between when the Sox only used Hector Noesi, but their relievers have been spent the past couple days. Hence, Big Donkey on the mound.

  2. Paper Lions - Aug 6, 2014 at 9:13 AM

    I love how he’s smiling almost the entire time.

  3. einjzmolf - Aug 6, 2014 at 9:44 AM

    I kinda felt bad for Danks watching the Rangers romp on him so hard (it did feel good in a season like this though, not gonna lie), it had gotten to the point where I felt like Ventura was being an ass honestly. Was totally worth it to see Dunn pitch though, everyone was having a jolly good time and the Sox fans were going nuts whilst down 15/16-0, it was pretty cool.

  4. jimmyt - Aug 6, 2014 at 9:45 AM

    Always fun. I remember not too long ago when the Cards were losing bad and Larussa knew backup catcher Cody McKay could throw a perfect knuckleball so he brought him in for the last few innings. Great fun watching him float that thing up there and no one able to hit it.

    • cassi1125 - Aug 6, 2014 at 11:13 AM

      And after the performance that day, the Crew *still* went out and acquired Suppan…

  5. evanpenn - Aug 6, 2014 at 9:54 AM

    This is always a bad idea. He’s using muscles he hasn’t used in a while, and his arm and other areas will probably be sore for a few days. Dunn isn’t terribly valuable anyway, so they can risk it, but position players pitching is unwise.

    • raysfan1 - Aug 6, 2014 at 1:34 PM

      Most cases of position players pitching that I recall have been players who like to pitch in practice too, so it’s not a case of unused muscles suddenly getting a workout they aren’t used to. Wade Boggs, for example, had a decent knuckle ball which he would throw in practice.

  6. tmohr - Aug 6, 2014 at 9:55 AM

    That 80 MPH heater had them on their heels.

    • Old Gator - Aug 6, 2014 at 10:26 AM

      I loved the “message pitch” to Andrus. I bet Kevin Towers is on the phone to Chicago right now.

    • jwbiii - Aug 6, 2014 at 1:57 PM

      He said he could throw a lot harder but he loses the sinking action and he just wanted ground balls.

      • bfunk1978 - Aug 6, 2014 at 4:59 PM

        The “sinking action” must be the ball losing its battle with gravity as opposed to something a tight rotation can do.

  7. Old Gator - Aug 6, 2014 at 10:25 AM

    Wonderful, even though, considering how much he knows about striking out, it’s a bit frustrating that he didn’t return any favors. But why is it when these position players come in to spell the pen they always seems to work through the opposing lineup more or less unscathed? Why don’t they get shelled? Is this some kind of “professional courtesy,” like in that joke about why the sharks didn’t eat the shipwrecked lawyer?

    • natstowngreg - Aug 6, 2014 at 12:01 PM

      Could be some sort of Baseball Karma; the winning team’s bats have run out of hits. Or, hitters don’t have a book on a position player’s pitching, so they have trouble coping. Or, they’re too busy laughing to focus on their hitting. Lacking any rational explanation, I’ll go with those.

    • gammagammahey - Aug 6, 2014 at 12:01 PM

      The “professional courtesy” that they extend if anything is swinging at anything near the strike zone, but that could be said about players in a 15-0 game regardless of who’s pitching. And some of them do get shelled but even if it’s a backup catcher or a DH getting out there, these guys are still high-level professional athletes who’ve at least messed around with pitching at some point. Dunn can throw a hell of a lot harder than I ever could and I’ve seen some position players get up into the 90’s when they’ve pitched.

  8. scoutsaysweitersisabust - Aug 6, 2014 at 10:46 AM

    He’s no Chris Davis, but he’ll do

  9. thomas844 - Aug 6, 2014 at 11:33 AM

    Report: Tigers now interested in adding Dunn to their bullpen.

  10. scruffmagee - Aug 6, 2014 at 12:15 PM

    Last night Adam Dunn became the first White Sox pitcher ever to bat at The Cell

  11. chitownmatt - Aug 6, 2014 at 12:36 PM

    It would have been a Miracle of Miracles if the WS had come back and scored 17 runs in the bottom of the inning and Dunn earned a W.

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